Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Cold Comfort

Something's got a hold on me. Unfortunately, I think I've come down with a cold. It started two nights ago with the sniffles. Last night, I started with a dry cough. Today, after work, I stopped by the store to buy some Halls, DayQuil, and Zicam. I wish my nose would make up it's mind and stop going back and forth between runny and stuffed up. The good news is, I'm still able to drink, and my appetite is well. Perhaps I should include water and juice in my fluid intake...

I have an engagement tomorrow...don't know if I'll make it, but I hope this Zicam stuff works...otherwise, I just paid 9 dollars for some citrus flavored candy...

Don't forget to enter the latest installment of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition!

Currently held by previous winner, Tatas!
Don't forget to read all about the rules here, with special thanks to MJ and IDV. Now go win the Shorts that have been intimate with so many international strangers the world over!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Elf Shorts Sighting, Ahoy!!!

They've made their appearance across the pond! Go on yonder to Tatas, and revel in the glory and joy that is The Freakin Green Elf Shorts Competition!!!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Good Head

Recently, I got a chance to visit the Menil Collection, a fantastic collection of various art pieces, known not only for it's ancient and classical pieces, but for it's promotion of surrealist and modern/post modern art. While the collection of art is impressive, the things that caught my attention the most during the exhibitions were the varieties of head pieces found throughout the museum.

For example, this piece:

(Click on the pics for a larger view)

An actual piece with actual human heads! From a cannibal tribe in Papua New Guinea. If traveling to PNG and someone offers you head, be sure to ask them, "What kind of head?"; because it's going to be hard to pack up a human head in your souvenir luggage...not to mention how to explain it to customs when you arrive back home.

The next exhibit:

Another Pacific tribal find: Nude pygmy, apparently circumcised...his foreskin used as a hat of some sort...

Then there was this piece by Rene Margritte:

I guess this was back before technology was able to make a full size poster pic of a lady...of course, I'm assuming all the parts belong to her. Not really understanding the Surrealists, it could be pieces of various ladies...umm, hopefully, no ladies were harmed in the making of these pieces.

Then we come to my favorite part of the museum, the room with the private collection of the Surrealists, with an emphasis on private:

For instance, when an artist gets stiff and needs a little release and relaxation, I suppose they could use this neck massager:

And when things get rough and a Surrealist needs a little inspiration, they didn't have a Hang On Kitty poster. Instead, they had the next best thing:

Still the same message: Hang on, Kitty!

And finally, the most interesting piece of all:

Yes, it's some sort of rubber/pin cushion suit, like Pinhead from Hellraiser. I had to wonder, which Surrealist freak wore this one for a good time. Was it Picasso? Perhaps that Max Ernst--those Germans love the S&M. Maybe Marcel Duchamp? I have a suspicion it could be Rene Magritte...only because anyone who paints a British man in a bowler hat then covers his face with fruit has to be a freak of some sort. It's always the quiet ones that are the real freaks!

All in all, I do believe the Menil Collection of heads was interesting. Though it may not have left me weak in the knees or out of breath, it certainly gave me some interesting ideas, like where to find a rubber/pin cushion suit...

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


In addition to doing a little experimenting, Eros Den will also be undergoing some minor redecorating. Will resume posting soon. I've some matters that need tending to...

Edited 2/20/08 0609a.m. to add:

I'll post an update this weekend...stay tuned...

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Pearls of Wisdom

Eros Den offers some advice, life lessons from experience, for your pleasure, to make your special day more enjoyable and a memorable one. Hopefully, these pearls of wisdom will lead to a beautiful experience, perhaps even a wonderful gift, like a pearl necklace.

1. Some Like It Hot:
Candles are a great way to set the mood. Some come in wonderful scents. Lavender always puts everyone at ease. But, be careful that you don't cause a fire.
Dripping small amounts of wax is fine and titillating when done on the arms, chest, shoulders, legs, back, or buttocks, but NOT directly on the family jewels or chesticles. It really hurts--and not in the good way; it can also cause blisters :(
If you accidentally spill wax on the rug, no worries. Just grab some plain white paper, place it over the dried wax, then apply an iron on low heat gently on the paper for a short while until the melted wax is absorbed into the paper. Remove iron before it burns rug and discard paper.

2. Water Sports:
To Pee or Not to Pee, that is the question. First off, if you're not sure, then don't force yourself to participate. On the other hand, if you're feeling adventurous--or had too much to drink and now find yourself with a full bladder, a sense of laziness, and all common sense gone, then your next step is to remember the mantra of every successful business venture--location! location! location!
If it's your first time and you're nervous, the best place to be (pee, he.he.he.), is in the shower. That way, if you find yourself changing your mind about your golden shower, you can wash off the stench--but not the self disgust or shame. Otherwise, invest in rubber sheets, because even when you make waves on dirty sheets due to be washed the next day, chances are, some of the stuff will have seeped into your mattress :0 As another alternative, go to a run down motel. You won't have to worry about the linen or sleeping on the same mattress again--unless you're a returning customer taking care of your johns in the same joint. But that's another post all together.
On a related note, pee is not suppose to taste sweet; sweet pee is often a sign of hyperglycemia; contact your health care provider for diabetes testing. Also, if it burns when you pee, please see your local community health clinic for further testing; it may be helpful to have a list of current and previous partners just in case.

3. Good Eats:
Thanks to 9 1/2 Weeks, people have come to appreciate and expand the role of food in intimate activities. Just be mindful that not all appetites should be fed at the same time or by the same substances. When it comes to feasting on your partner(s), foods are the utensils, not the appetizer or main course.
Barring any allergies, the top finger lickin good food to serve on your partner is low fat whipped cream. Sweet and less sticky than regular whipped cream, it leaves less of a mess on the bed. The second best is honey. Sweet but somewhat stickier, it also works as an antiseptic and promotes healing. Maple syrup, while ambrosia on pancakes and waffles, is very sticky and messy; not to mention that if not cleaned up within 24hours, it becomes a haven for bacteria and fungi and mold to grow. Talk about a mood killer.
No chocolates--they melt and stain everything and the smears can resemble poop. No lollipops or hard candy--they tend to pick up hairs like a lint brush, and you'll end up licking a rug--carpeting, not Portia de Rossi. Altoids can provide a fun stimulating oral experience, but make sure it's completely melted in your mouth before engaging your partner--you may be tempted to chew if there is a little piece left and that is NOT a good thing. The same goes for hot peppers; a very little goes a long way. Too much can cause a serious burn :(

4. Down Under
Be gentle; no teeth; keep one hand on your partner's thigh, in case things get intense. You might need an escape route or breath of air when things get really tight! Listen to what your partner says; pay closer attention to how their body reacts.

5. The Ties That Bind
Bondage can be fun if done the right way. Always have an agreed upon safe word, like Smurf, when you need a break or things get too intense. Ropes can leave burns. Handcuffs are cold and can cut off circulation. Silk ties or scarfs are just as strong as ropes or cuffs without leaving any marks at all. No awkward questions or suicide interventions about how you cut your wrists or how those rope burns ended up on your neck. Also, silk feels cool and soft in the rough but invigorating experience. You don't have to worry about misplacing the keys...just your trust. After all, bondage is really about trust--in another human being to keep you from harm--and freedom--to let go of all choices and worries and thought, to just be.

There you have it. Little bits of advice from Eros Den. I hope you've learned something that can be of use to you. Feel free to add your own advice in the comments sections. A helping hand (or two ;) is always welcomed. Remember to have fun and be safe. As the most famous Canadian (possibly world famous) sex goddess Sue Johanson once said, "Don't be a fool, cover your tool!"

Happy Valentine's Day to All!!!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Stalkeriffic Love Songs

Can't decide what music to use to set the mood for the big night? Erosden presents some the best songs to send your message of love. Nothing signals passion like a love song full of obsession.

1. Every Breath You Take by The Police

" Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you"

What better way to tell that special someone that you've got your eyes on them, no matter where they are or what they do?

2. I Want To Come Over by Melissa Etheridge

" I know you're home
You left your light on
You know I'm here
The night is thin

I know you're alone
I watched the car leave
Your lover is gone
Let me in

Open your back door
I just need to touch you once more

I want to come over
To hell with the consequence
You told me you loved me
Thats all I believe
I want to come over
Its a need I cant explain
To see you again
I want to come over"

It's not love unless you're willing to break the law!

3. Possession by Sarah McLachlan

" Into this night I wander
It’s morning that I dread
Another day of knowing of
The path I fear to tread
Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride
Nothing stands between us here
And I won’t be denied

And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I’ll take your breath away
And after I’d wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear "

Isn't it romantic, to tell your loved one that you'll stalk them all night, then hold them down and kiss them til they pass out?

4. I Will Follow Him by Little Peggy March

"I will follow Him, follow Him wherever He may go,
And near Him, I always will be,
For nothing can keep me away, He is my destiny.

I will follow Him, ever since He touched my heart I knew,
There isn't an ocean too deep,
A mountain so high, it can keep,
Keep me away, away from His love."

What better way to let them know that nothing will stand in the way of your stalking, umm, following them? Thanks to the Sister Act movies, now you can dress up as nuns and live out your sinful fantasies...oh, the agony and the ecstasy!

5. F*ck You Like An Animal by Nine Inch Nails

"I want to f*ck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to f*ck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god"

Having trouble expressing what you really feel? Then let this little ditty from NIN set the mood for your romantic get together.

6. As Long As You Love Me by the Backstreet Boys

"I dont care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me"

The perfect song to express your love to a new romantic interest...or the latest stranger or whore with whom you're going to spend the evening.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Disney Princesas--Happy Endings

What makes Disney movies so popular is that they always have a happy ending. But sometimes, the kind of happy ending Disney startlets offer are best suited to massage parlors. Disney has pimped out more hoes then a South Korean whorehouse. What is it about Disney that turns it's teen queens into total skanks? Is it something in the water?

Britney Spears, Mouseketeer, pop fabricated princess, singing You Drive Me Crazy

to actually becoming crazy...assaulting the world with her beaver--more like naked mole rat.

Christina Aguilera, talented singer, sings about What a Girl Wants

and it seems that this girl wants to get down to business...ready to be rubbed the right way.

Lindsay Lohan, from starring in popular children's movies

to mooning children at a popular award show, a drunk driving crackhead...

Then there's Vanessa Hudgens, High School Musical star who's nude internet pics show how she's trying to bring back the bush, ending the deforestation trend started by over the hill whores bald beaver Britney Spears and firecrotch Lindsay Lohan....

So many Disney whores, so little time. But not all Disney starlets end up making amateur porn or become tabloid trash. Some actually do make it to happy endings. And some are just plain entertaining, like Christina Milian, who went from singing the theme song to Kim Possible

to showing us how to

"Dip it low
Pick it up slow
Roll it all around poke it out, let your back roll
Pop, pop, pop that thang
I'ma show you how to make your man say "ooh"

And "ooh" indeed, Christina, "ooh" indeed...

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Disney Princesas--Dreams really do come true

Animated film princesses offer life lessons to help make dreams come true:

Belle: Smart girls can learn to love a Wookie--especially if they're rich and have servants. Sci fi geeks everywhere have hope. Be kind to to nerds, one of them could be the next Bill Gates.

Mulan: It doesn't matter if you're a cross dressing tomboy in the army; a good man is going to love your hard riding skills and the beautiful Asian flower underneath the armor. Don't worry if you don't have tiny feet; just show off your talents at working that pole.

Pocahontas: You don't need to speak his language to get your message long as you're fluent in body language--paraphrasing Ursula, of course. And if you work that body language just right, you'll get that man with the big gun to plant his flag deep in your territory.

Jasmine: Don't be too quick to write off those street urchins. That delinquent who plays with his monkey could have a cool ride, and if let him rub his lamp for you, he'll can show you a whole new world...of pleasure.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Disney Princesas

Recently, I saw the Spanish movie Princesas (2005). It's an interesting movie about the lives of two prostitutes in Spain. This movie made me think, at what point does a little princess grow up to become a prostitute? Erosden starts an investigation.

Many people have grown up watching Disney movies that bring princess stories to life. Everyone lives happily ever after in these stories, don't they? And on some level, we all like to relate. But don't be fooled by the message that love conquers all! Beware, these fairy tales are full of adult content! Let's look at these Disney Princesas closer and discover what hidden messages they are sending us.

Erosden exposes the truth behind the glitter, the magic, and the music.

Cinderella: Men like a woman who can dance in clear heels. Which means every stripper is just trying to find her Prince Charming!

Snow White: It's okay to shack up with 7 strange men; it's good practice, learning skills you can use when you find your true love.

The Little Mermaid: It's perfectly acceptable for a 16 year old girl to run off and hook up with a complete foreigner, in a strange land and expect a happy ending . Such thinking comes naturally to one who grew up in a home full of dildos.

Sleeping Beauty: You can make out with a complete stranger with no long as you've got bitchy fairies looking out for you.

The list goes on and on, but I think I've made my point with these four princesses so far. Which now begs the question: Which Disney princess are you?

Friday, February 1, 2008

What is Love?

February is the end of the Holiday Season--that started in October with Halloween and ends this month with Valentine's Day. So for the next two weeks, Erosden will feature posts about this thing called love. A complex subject matter indeed, it nonetheless has a great impact on our lives.

Years ago, with a different company and occupation all together, I was on an assignment. Some friends and coworkers got together late one night and expounded on the meaning of love. What is it about alcohol and a new environment that makes one wax philosophical? Anyway, it was good mix of single and married and divorced 20 somethings to 40somethings, and somehow, we started talking about love. Past the witching hour, we came to the conclusion that there are three types of love a person experiences in their lifetime--separate from the type of love one feels for family and friends.

You have your First Love: That love you never forget; the first time someone took your breath away, made you feel something in your body and soul you've never felt before. More than a crush, yet it was still innocent, and it was the first time that someone made you aware--that there was something more out there, that there was a feeling of joy that you just wanted to share with this person and this one person only. If you're lucky, it leads to a kiss--a simple contact, innocent but so full of emotion. But it's not so much the kiss that's important. Puppy love, it is special in that it is the first time you have ever felt this way for a single person in the world. That's a feeling you never forget...can never recreate...

Then you have your True Love: This is the first time you've ever felt crazy about someone. This is the first time you've ever loved someone so much it hurts. You connect to each other in a way that changes you to the core. You don't care that your friends think you've become an idiot. You both don't give a damn about what the whole world around you says or thinks about you. This is full on obsession and passion. You get each other and don't even need words to communicate. After all, what words can possibly describe what you truly feel? When you tell this person that you love them, you feel it in the very essence of your being. When you tell this person that you would die for them, you mean it with every fiber of your body. In fact, when you've had a fight or broken up, you've even contemplated--sometimes foolishly attempted--suicide. But when you make up, there is no greater feeling than losing yourself in that ecstatic joy and passion of just being able to touch that person once more. Nothing else matters. And when it was over, you died. You stopped feeling. You become a shell of a person. You've had to bottle up the pain. The emotions are too great. And when you can't hold it in anymore, you cry like you've never cried before, you don't think you can go on. You can't possible live anymore. You can't possibly love again. And it's true, that you'll never, ever love another the way you loved your true love. There may be others you come to love in the future, but no one quite like this. You'll never forget your true love, and when you look back, you'll still feel a deep, if painful yet longing, bond to this person. How could you not? It was a love that changed the very core of your existence. If you're lucky, your true love becomes your forever love.

Forever Love: Forever Love is when you've found the one you can love forever, knowing all their faults. This is the person who'll love you and accept you for who you are. There will be fights, there will be compromises, but you will be there for each other through the good times and the bad, the long haul. They complain about you leaving the toilet seat up or the dirty clothes out of the hamper; they hate your idiotic friends and don't share your enthusiasm for video games. They may piss you off and drive you crazy sometimes, but at the end of the day, you're glad that they are still with you. It is passion tempered with reason. Though it may not be as volatile as your true love. It has a power all its own. With this love, you won't die for another; no, you would kill for each other! It's a different kind of craziness. This time, you let the madness lead you, for the most part. You've seen each other at your best and worst, and you're both fine with this. When you fall, they may not be able to catch you all the time, but they will always help you back up. You realize that this is what makes life worth living.

There you have it. A theory on love made up by a think tank of drunks after a hard day's work. Is it like this for everyone? Probably not. But I can relate.

Before you see today's video, I would recommend stretching your neck. It's going to get quiet the workout. Then afterwards, go visit CyberPete's blog and read his answers to IDV's tag...