Thursday, April 16, 2009

Don't rock the boat, baby

A few of my friends have babies. And that's nice for them. I like babies; they're cute and I don't mind babysitting every now and then. But let's face it, they're a lot of work. And as happy as I am for my new parent friends, I really not too thrilled with some of the things they say and do.

Please, don't call me during happy hour, wanting me to listen as you put your child on the phone in the hopes that the child will say something cute. Honestly, I can't hear anything other than you in the background, trying to coax the kid to say something. It's a little annoying to let this go on for minutes at a time. I'm at happy hour for a reason. I have some drinking and socializing to do; most likely, it's been a crappy day at work.

And don't be telling me how much better your life is since having your child. I mean, every parent should be proud and happy to have children. That's only natural. But don't make it sound like your life was crap before you had kids. Because all I'm hearing is that I'm crap because I don't have kids, as if babies are the latest high tech gadgets or newest fashion trend; and you having one somehow makes you better than me. It's great that you have a kid; that was your choice and I supported your decision. So, please, don't try to to look down on me for deciding not to have any right now...or ever.

And finally, having a baby changes everything. Really, it does. And it should. That means you can't party or hang out with me like you used to. The rest of us don't get together to go clubbing or bar hopping just to spite you. We really just want to enjoy a night on the town, and sometimes, these things just happen at the last minute. Spontaneous gatherings happen, and we can't always give you a 24 notice to get a sitter so you can join us. So don't be mad when you hear that we went out and had a good time. You used to do the same thing. But you've got a baby now, so things change.

I'm happy my friends have kids. It's all part of life. But you have to deal with changes that come with having kids. And those changes include deciding whether you still want be friends or not. We might not be able to do the same things like before, but we can still hang out and do other fun things. It just takes some readjustment and work. Having a baby means growing up; don't let it be about friends growing apart. Don't rock the boat, baby.


  1. My friend used to call me on the phone and most of the conversation involved her yelling at them (into my ear).

    I may pick up the friendship with her in 18 years if they're all out of the house by then.

  2. Well said. I don't like the trying to get the baby to talk on the phone thing - but while you're out at a bar? That's nutty. the same way I understand when my friends with little kids no longer want to talk all night.

  3. Have you heard about the Microsoft Baby 9.0? It's gonna totally make Microsoft Baby 8.5 look antique.

    Anyway, yes I agree with you, especially about when they say their lives are so magical since they've had a kid. Know what else is magical? Being able to sleep through the night without hearing a baby crying.

  4. MJ, In 18 years, some of those kids might be old enough to join you and their mommy in a bar!

    I have a friend who does the same thing with her kids! There are times when I want to tell her, maybe we should hang up so you can focus on your misbehaving kids. I'd hate to find out then next day that the kids have burned down the house.

    Snooze, What's even nuttier is that my friend left me an angry message when I got home. She didn't like how we were going out without telling her ahead of time, so she could find a sitter and join us.

    I guess she's having a hard time adjusting to motherhood, and we don't go out at the last minute to annoy her; things happen! Besides, her baby should come first; then plan to party later on. We're not shunning her; we just have to find time to do different things now.

    Tara, Ha! Is the newer version virus free? Because those babies are germ factories!

    Getting a full night of uninterrupted sleep is magical! Almost as wonderful is not having to deal with dirty diapers!

  5. I hear you, Eros. I don't have any kids, but I have to admit that I have not had friends do those things. My older sister, on the other hand... well she sometimes did that, but it was long distance, so didn't happen often. And her kids are all in their 20's now, so it was ages ago.

    If a person can't accept the total about face that things take with the inclusion of a kid in the equation of life, well, that is their problem. You can't take the kid back to the store for a refund. You have to deal with your altered state.

    I hope your friend comes to her senses and apologizes to you. If she doesn't, then perhaps she isn't such a good friend after all?

    We each take our own path in life, and those paths don't always follow the same track. One has to learn to accept and adjust to those differences you discover with your friends, if you want to remain friends.

  6. Ponita, Very well put! I think my friend is just stressed and feeling left out. Hopefully, she'll adjust.

    In a few days, when it all blows over, we'll probably do something fun or spend some time together--I'll give her advance notice ;) Or maybe we just need a little time to reflect and figure out what to do next.