Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Top Dog

*Updated 15 Oct 2008, 11:12 a.m.

In case you haven't noticed, it's election season. And it's not just America! Today, the Canadians go to the polls to vote in their general election. It's a heated race between liberal Stephane Dion and conservative Stephen Harper; the outcome will not be known until the polls close in the British Columbia tonight at 10pm!

Harper has made fun of Dion's poor English skills and ties to Quebec and their "subsidized galas" of artists. Dion is running on a green platform, proposing a controversial carbon tax in an effort to curb greenhouse pollution. No word on a plan for noise pollution.

Harper has been unpopular and heavily criticized for his close ties to the Bush administration and his weak leadership in the economic crisis. Many Canadians hope to deal a finishing blow to Harper this election.

But polls predict he'll likely survive with a crippled gov't, and Canadians will have to wait til next election season to hunt him down and finish him off!

*Update: It's official; though wounded, the pupil check reveals he's survived the opposition's clubbing. Harper retains role as Prime Minister with minority control over the gov't. Liberals titanic hopes of gov't control were sank by the ice berg of greenhouse tax. It remains to be seen, at the heart of the matter, if Dion's leadership of the party will go on and on.*

In news from American election race, the final Presidential debate takes place tomorrow, Wed night. But I've noticed an interesting development on CNN, particularly on the commentary after the debates. I like CNN; I trust CNN; these are the original, real time news reporters who got out and made a name for themselves during the first Gulf War and every other conflict and world event since.

No other news network has a hotter looking bunch of reporters and anchors. Sure, ABC, NBC, CBS have talented reporters, too, but only CNN combines both beauty and brains to make for an informative (and attractive) newscast. But the presidential debates have created this forum where experts and news reporters combine to share their thoughts and observations. Most of what they say is important and relevant. However, I've been struck by this struggle for alpha dog status that has emerged with the presence of so many talented veterans and newcomers. It's only natural in a pack full of powerhouses, that only one can be the top dog. And let's look at some of these contenders.

First, off you can't be a top dog without a cool name. And what name is cooler than Wolf Blitzer! Seriously, his name is Wolf Blitzer. He's got experience and his own show, The Situation Room, that gives him alpha dog potential. Even better, he's a former musician, who played keyboard in a garage rock band!

Who let the dogs out?

And he puffs up quite noticeably, making sure he's not forgotten in the forum, using his giant tv screen as his weapon in the race for top dog.

Then there's Anderson Cooper, with his cool name and great hair. He brings up another key asset to being a top dog: Good looks. Sure, Wolf Blitzer's got the the gray hair, too, but Anderson Cooper works it with this blue eyes and supermodel poses. He uses that steely gaze and head tilt to say: I care, and I'm really sexy! It's like watching Blue Steel as he struts between the panelists during the debate post show.

Relax, don't do it, when you want to go to it!

But there's a new dog in the pound, and his name is John King! And he gives Anderson Cooper a run for his money in the looks department. He's got the cool, pornstar name and the good looks. While he doesn't have Cooper's supermodel poses or his own news show, he does have a fancy, big screen map of the US reflecting poll numbers. And he only has to touch that map to make it change colors! Oooh!!! Aaaahhh!!! He's got the best toys in the group, and he's got that whole dignified, down to earth vibe that makes him look laid back, cool, and smart. Apparently, he's very funny, too.

'Cause I'm the King of the castle (na na na)
Turn me on turn me loose

But it's not just the men vying for top dog status. Women are getting in on the action as well. I've noticed Gloria Borger trying to jump in and voice her opinion as loudly and often as possible in what seems to be an attempt to rise above the fray towards the top. Unfortunately for Gloria Borger, she doesn't have a cool name.

Candy Crowley has a cool name. That's right, her name is Candy! And she's the only full figured reporter in a sea of anorexic and bulimic newswomen. She's a pro and she stands toe to toe with some of the toughest talent in the news industry.

I'm craving for you. I'm missing you like Candy!

But all is not lost for Gloria Borges. It's not about talent; she's as smart as everyone else on that panel; it's about presence. She's got to find a way to stand out from the pack. Here's one idea: she ought to change her first name to Willa, and shortened her last name by two letters; add a new hairstyle and new wardrobe, plus a new catchphrase, I'm sure she would command attention.

Willa Borg, Resistance is futile!

That'll definitely keep her in the running for alpha dog!


  1. As we don't get CNN over here and pardon me for saying this but American politics is even sillier than the uk version , so I wouldn't watch it if we did , I have to make a judgement on the pictures supplied alone , I immediatley discount beardy(hippy wierdo), fatty(more interested in pies) and the as yet unformed Borg woman , we are left with the battle of the silver foxes.
    After a short deliberation there is something really annoying about Anderson Cooper , with that prissy little mouth and sunday school haircut my vote def goes for Mr King with his porn star name and craggier look (and he has a cool little microphone )

  2. Wolf Blitzer was in a garage band?!

    Excuse me while I slip off to The Situation Room to ponder this oddity.

  3. Beast, tonight is the last night we'll see all these experts and news people gathered for a post debate discussion. It was just too funny to see which ones were trying to make power moves and assert themselves, like watching VH1's Divas duke it out for top billing! And it was so funny watching Anderson Cooper give John King this intense, focused stare--either Cooper was trying to intimidate King or wanted to hump him.

    MJ, Wolf said his band's name was the Monkeys, long before that made for tv band the Monkees made their debut! My fave Wolf Blitzer story is when he was with the White House Press Corp, he passed out these cheesy pens to this colleagues that said 'I'm a friend of Wolf Blitzer!'. They say he's a funny, funny man.

  4. I'm with Beast - I have to vote for John King as the hottest. And meanwhile the Canadian taxpayers are 300 million poorer for the same party, having the same minority government. Oh yes, that's the fiscally responsible party... hardee har har -joke's on us. Mind you, I'd be crying a lot more if Harper had gotten a majority.

  5. Snooze, that's a relief Harper didn't get his majority, but you're right. Such a waste of taxpayer money. I'm hopeful that more Canadians will turn out for the next elections to deal the finishing Harper and his cronies.

    And that John King is one heck of a reporter!

  6. P.S. Meant to say "deal the finishing blow to Harper and his cronies"

  7. Great REVIEW. Anderson Cooper's Mommy is Gloria Vanderbilt! Coops a Vandefbilt!

    I watch way too much CNN but then again everybody has since 911 when they took over the News Biz.

    You know who scares me? Dana Bash! Skeletor..my gawd somebody give that girl a sandwich!

    I love Campbell Brown and I'd sit and watch her read the phonebook..and Robin Meade on the dumbed down version of CNN is adorable and she looks naughty.
    Christiane Amanpour is Brilliant!

    But I don't get Soleil Moonfry..no that's not her name..Soldad O'Brian..come on!

    Lou Dobbs is a riot and Jack Cafferty is a great curmudgeon.

    If you want a real laugh go to Dickipedia.org and read the send-ups on Larry King and a few other CNN celeb-reporters.

  8. Donn, thanks! And congrats on using the italics and boldface in the comments!

    I luv Robin Meade! My fave reporter on CNN has to be Christiane Amanpour. That Dana Bash is Skeletor! I keep expecting her to pass out from starvation while giving her reports! And there's something about how Soledad O'brien's talks that bugs me--it's like she's swallowing some of her words.

  9. Blimey! It's a good job none of the UK's politicians look like Anderson Cooper - He'd get my vote even of he was head of the Burn All Witches & Gays Party. So pretty!

  10. IDV, as Donn pointed out, that Anderson Cooper is Gloria Vanderbilt's son. She's a socialite with a scandalous, rich family history and the woman who made designer jeans famous! No doubt he's got good genes! :)

    I swear, CNN has more eye candy than all the other news networks! It's like the beautiful newspeople network!