Monday, October 20, 2008

Driving Ms Daisy

I was driving some friends around today. When we reached a deserted, long stretch of road, one of them asked, "Why are you driving so slow?"

"What?", I asked, giving a quick glance at the speedometer. It said 55 miles per hour, "I'm not driving slow. I'm driving the speed limit."

"Exactly!," exclaimed another friend, "You're driving slow!"

"Like an old woman," said another, and the three of them proceeded to laugh.

"Well, y'all nag like old women!", I replied, but that didn't stop their giggling.

It's one of the things they've all teased me about at one point or another. I drive the speed limit (most of the time), even when I'm the only car on a long, empty road. I've always countered that it's the law. But that never stops the teasing. It's a conversation we often revisit and add to time after time.

I usually try not to break any laws, because, well, it's usually the right thing to do. Also, because I don't want to end up in jail. It wouldn't look good having a criminal record, and no one looks good wearing prison issued clothing. And I don't want to waste time and energy fighting off aggressive bastards; it would be like work but without the pay or benefits.

I don't drink and drive at all. I mean, if I even have one light beer, I wait a whole hour before I even attempt to drive. But usually, I don't drink at all if I'm doing any driving. It's not that I'm such a horrible drunk. But rather, I don't want to take any chance of getting pulled over and failing an alcohol test. The only court I want to make an appearance in is the food court.

Once my friends stopped laughing, one of them tempted me by reasoning, "There are no cops around. Just floor it!"

But I replied, "Hey, just because the farmer's gone to town don't make it okay to ride his horse!"

And they immediately laughed once more; at least this time, it wasn't because of my driving.


  1. We've all seen IVD in orange.

    Proof that nobody looks good in prison clothes.

  2. Second!

    Hiya MJ.

    Eros, don't let your buddies get to you. Doing what you do to steer clear of the long arm of the law is smart. It's just not worth the aggravation in the long run.

    I always stop at stop signs on country roads even when there is no one in sight. Cuz if I start blowing through those, I will end up blowing through one where it really matters - and hitting someone. And I ain't goin' there, honey. No way.

  3. I agree with you on drink driving and law breaking in general altho deserted road , no one about , the Beast would be off like a rat up a drainpipe.
    How rude Miss MJ , see Mr Eros thats exactly the sort of loutish attitude that eventually leads to a spell in prison.....lock the baggage up I say .

  4. You are totally right about the whole driving thing. I drive the limit if the conditions are in my favour. I never "floor it" because the speed limits are there for a reason.

    I would make a horrid inmate too, orange does not look good on me. Or anyone else for that matter.

  5. *waves to Ponygirl*

    *ignores Beast*

    CyberPoof: Orange looks stunning on my tranny friend "C" but she's black so we're working with a whole different canvas.

    Yellow is another colour no one looks good in.

    I imagine Beast has a lot of yellow clothing. Due to the fact that he seldom launders his clothes.

  6. GUILTY!
    I don't D & D because I lost a few good friends that way and I am also quite clumsy when it comes to handling a slippery bar of soap and in the Big House we all know what that entails!

    I have been adamant about it and have trained all of my teenagers to ring me up if they're out at the Pub and can't get a cab...even though it's 3 in the AM atleast I know that they make it home OK.
    That's just part of my most important job and it's usually a fun filled sing-a-long ride anyway.

    Keep up the good work.

  7. MJx2, you think IDV has a collection from prison? I actually do have one orange t shirt...and I like it :) And I think that the horrible prison wardrobe might be part of the punishment for prisoners.

    Ponygirl, you're so right. I stop, too, at stops signs in the middle of nowhere. I don't want to end up the wrong (and costly) side of the law, much less end up in an accident.

    Now, a friend of mine in Chicago took me joy riding one time, and I remembered she just looked left, right, left and just rolled right thru a stop sign. She said, "You never come to a full stop here; you'll get car jacked!" We were passing by the ghetto projects!

    Beast, there are times when I go above the speed limit, but usually if I'm going with the flow of traffic.

    And I can clearly remember a long time ago when I was on a long stretch of highway, flat, empty, straight and I didn't see a speed limit posted for a while. So I just floored it to see how fast I could go for a few minutes. When I hit the 130 mph for a few minute, I felt excited, forces pushed me back into the seat. Then I eased off the gas, knowing I would most likely never ever do that again.

    CP, I tend to stick to speed limits because it's usually safer, it's the law, and it helps conserve gas. I get teased a lot for my driving habits, but when it comes to long drives, I'm the one who's most likely asked to take the wheel.

    I actually have one faded (favorite) orange t shirt. Goes well with my khakis and jeans (and green shorts, like Aquaman! ;) Actually, one of my college's rivals school colors are orange! I suppose it can be a good thing NOT to look good in prison--keeps away unwanted attention ;o

    MJ, so true. Some colors look good on some people. I enjoy getting to experience the different shades of colors, and see what kind of what kind of exciting, fun things we can do together.

    Donn, I'm sorry to hear about your friends. That is sad and such a hard life lesson. And I'm glad that you're doing such a great job teaching your kids and leading by example.

    The thought of slippery soap in prison in unsettling! Why one can slip and fall and end up with a serious injury.

    I don't mind being the designated driver when we go out. I like spending time with good friends, and I want to make sure we live to hang out some more :)

  8. I told a friend once that there was a guy tailgating me. I was going the speed limit. He teased, "Why go the speed limit?" Bah. But I also admit to being the impatient person on a road where the speed limit is 25 and the person ahead of me is going that speed. I have to just sit back in the seat and relax - realize that they're not doing anything wrong.

  9. You've got a point there. It would be good to not look good in orange.

    Well, then you didn't have to tease the rival school, they already had theirs to deal with. Their school colour being orange and all.

  10. Tara, that is annoying when some bastard is tailgating! When idiots do that and I'm on cruise control, I keep the same speed, esp if I'm in the 'slow' lane, driving the speed limit. And if they really piss me off, I start to slow down til they're forced to back off or pass me up. A friend of mine just hits his brake a few times til the tailgater decides to back off or go around.

    I hate forgetting about school zones when I drive places. I have to slow down to 20mph, but it's for the kids safety. I just hate that I forget to take a different route and avoid delays.

    CP, that's why I try not to break the law--so I can stay out of prison and not worry about looking good in orange, among other things.

    The rival school is bigger, but our school has given them quite the competition across all fields. It's a friendly, heated rivalry that has created some of the weirdest, craziest, and heartfelt traditions in my college :)

  11. We don't really have that with colleges here. It's mostly football teams hating each other and I think that's a little more heated.

    Oh and by the way, you've been TAGGED

  12. Tagged? Like an endangered species in a study? Am I being released now so the scientists can track my movements?

    Will do and work on this tag!

    Now when you say football, don't you mean soccer? ;)

  13. tee-heeee!

    You silly Americans and your little sport ;-)

  14. And it's a spirited sport, where the fans are more likely to have bbq and grill food in the parking lot before the game. Unlike those ruffian, unruly soccer fans who vandalize places because their own team sucks!

    Oh, wait, that's just the Brits ;)

  15. as we are on American Sports come the World Series is errm....... only America ???

  16. As long as you stick to the slow lane I see nothing wrong with driving the speed limit. But I hate people who won't cede the fast lane to those who want to pass.

  17. Beast, it's called "World Series" because the Canadians take part.

    Snooze, that's so true! I hate slow drivers in the fast lane! Either pick up the speed or move to the slow lane!

  18. no, no, we do that too.

    Oh Canada participates - I see. We all know they are the centre of the world.

  19. Well, Canada is really just slightly north of the real center of the world ;)

  20. Ah, but of course! Being Danish, that could be difficult to come to terms with as we all know Denmark is the centre of the world...

  21. I always, always follow the letter of the law......except when I don't.

    Seriously, as a general rule, I do, especially where road craft is involved, but you have to know when the time comes to break the rules. Law isn't sacred, especially in extreme times.
    Morality must have inertia but also needs to adapt in the light of experience.

    I seem to have come over all philosophical. This is the consequence of lack of beer.

  22. CP, everyone knows that the US only thinks they are the centre of the universe. They have an ego crisis, me thinks.

    And I say this with the greatest affection, as I lived in the US for 5 years and have many very close American friends.

    Eros, did you know I lived in Texas for two years? And my bestest girlfriend (we grew up together in Canada) still lives there.

    Does that make me an honorary Texan cowgirl??? I do have the horse, the boots, the hat and the belt buckle - and I can ride!

    I do, however, obey traffic laws when riding my horse as well as driving my car.

  23. CP, ha! ha! That is so true. Well, everyone luvs a danish! We can't deny that. They're delicious!

    Tickers, I hear ya! What a sobering thing to say :) Sometimes, ya gotta adapt to the changes. There's a time to heed and there's a time to speed.

    Ponygirl, of course! Being Texan is a state of mind. It's about being friendly and lending a helping hand. And knowing when to walk away and when to stand and fight for what's right.

    Remember the Alamo!

    I hope you enjoyed your little stay in the US. It's nice to travel and experience different places. It broadens the mind and increases appreciation for what's truly important. And you learn all sorts of new things!