Mortal Coil

Nobody likes to come home to bad news. I had just arrived home. I had spent the night out with friends. My next door neighbor, who was taking her dog out, greeted me with the bad news. One of our residents had been taken by ambulance to the hospital.

We aren't exactly sure what happened. The neighbor with the dog, a young home care worker, said she had just gotten home from work, turned into the parking lot and saw flashing ambulance lights and police vehicles in front of our building. From her car, she saw them take our elderly neighbor down in a stretcher and into the ambulance. The ambulance and police cars then left the area.

I worry about my elderly neighbor. Though truth be told, until tonight, I never thought of him as elderly. Yes, he was older--a retired veteran. I thought he might be in his sixties, but I'm terrible at guessing ages. I know he was older, but definitely not elderly.

I don't like this at all. I've all ready lost the Old Bird who lived next door. She was 90! And she lived here the longest. The Veteran and his wife had lived here the second longest. And I am hoping they will live here even longer.

The Old Bird and the Veteran and his wife were constants in a building where it seemed like we had new neighbors every six months or so. Having these two around made the place feel like home. I kept polite and courteous conversation with them. We were neighborly. We looked out for each other's car and kept an eye out for each other's place, especially when new or suspicious people showed up. It's a nice neighborhood, but it's open, no gates or walls. And there were incidents of cars being broken into in the neighboring places.

Plus, there was a rough period a few years ago, when the quality of tenants was poor. The place got loud and filthy--new tenants blasting music from their homes and cars, littering and just being nasty and dirty. Fights broke out from loud drunken parties, and cops showed up frequently. It culminated in a stabbing and suicide. The place had gone downhill in less than two years!

I seriously thought about moving then. But my two neighbors weren't moving anytime soon. Like I said, it was a good neighborhood, close to shops, hospitals, schools, and there was this empty lot next door that was full of blossoming wild flowers and wildlife.

And having lived here for so many years, and through several management companies, the two constant neighbors, the Old Bird and the Veteran and his wife, had been very active, and vocal, and proactive in the neighborhood. They speak up and they take action. They make the management work to keep up their end; do their duties; and improve our place. So I had faith things would get better.

With new owners and management later, things did get better. All the riff raff moved out--or were evicted or arrested. And the place started improving again. So long as I had my two constant neighbors, I knew that things would be all right.

I took it for granted. And then the universe reminded me that nothing ever stays the same. Earlier this year, the Old Bird passed away. I was shocked. I knew that she had lots of illnesses. Most conversations with her were progress reports on her diseases, and what the weather was going to be like, based on which parts of her body were aching. Honestly, she was much more accurate about rain and snow than the weather forecasters. If her knees were aching, I'd take an umbrella and windbreaker to work, because there'd be a thunderstorm later on in the day.

The Old Bird had been in and out of hospitals before. She always came through, tough and resilient as ever, back to doing her health updates and weather predictions in the neighborhood. I could always count on her sitting by the front window, calling out to passersby, starting a conversation--about her health conditions and what the weather was going to be like later on.

A lot of times, if I was in a rush, I'd hop the back fence to get to the parking lot the long way around the building, just to avoid talking to the Old Bird. I had places to be, and I didn't want to get held up listening to the Old Bird go on and on about her many diseases. I didn't have time.

But with her gone now, I wish I had made more time. It feels too quiet and strange not hearing her say hello when I leave or come home through the front door. It's been half a year no since she's been gone, but I still look for her and expect to hear her voice. But she's gone now, and it feels sad not to have her around.

She was one of the kind souls who fed the stray cats that live in our area. It was she and the Veteran and his wife who inspired me to feed the strays, that it was okay to do so. And with the Old Bird's passing, the neighborhood had changed. It was the end of an era.

Now with the Veteran rushed to the hospital, it seems like my ties to this place may be coming to an end. Truthfully, I've lived here because it felt like home, especially with the constant neighbors. But losing one, and on the verge of losing the other, I feel like my world is about to undergo another fundamental change. If I lose the last constant, I lose an essential reason to stay. I think I may have to move.

And it's both a frightening and exciting venture. I fear the loss of my neighbor, because I don't want him to pass on. I want him to be healthy and live many more years with his loving, strong, and brave wife, who shows more than enough kindness and thoughtfulness and bravery to make up for the Veteran's gruff exterior and sometimes foul language when he is ticked off. But rough as he is on the outside, the man is a diamond for always doing the right thing and looking out for the neighborhood. This place will become lost and forlorn without him. It feels like I'll lose my bond to this place if the Veteran passes on. And that's an unsettling thought.

I've deliberately tried not to get close to others, because I like my privacy and try to stay out of the drama. But somehow, my constant neighbors had become important to me, and they made me feel at home. Losing them both would leave me with no excuse to stay. And I can't help but worry if I'm ever going to find another place that feels like home again.

Yes, I miss the road. I miss travelling for work and for fun. And I'm ready to just go! But I can't now. I've got things I need to take care of. I've got obligations I need to meet. There are things that I must do. But they aren't going to keep me here forever. And I'll be done soon enough.

Hearing that my tough Veteran neighbor was taken to the hospital in an ambulance is an awful reminder of just how fragile life is. Everything can change in a second. I just hope that things get better soon. Life is too short. I don't want to end up regretting the things I didn't do. Honestly, thinking about death has made me think of all the loved ones I have lost. And that makes me sad. I don't want to deal with death again so soon. I hate permanent goodbyes. And I'm not ready to say goodbye yet to the Veteran.

I didn't get a chance to say farewell to the Old Bird. And her family kept her funeral small and private. I guess that's why I still can't accept that she's gone, because I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

I don't want the Veteran to pass on. It's not time yet for goodbye. I want him to live long and healthy and happy with his wife. But I'm going to visit him at the hospital tomorrow, if it's allowed. I at least want one more chance to see him and hear him, if possible. And if it is his last days, then let him go in peace. I want to pay my respects and honor his life and his work.

Life isn't always easy. It isn't always beautiful. But life is a lot more precious and wonderful with people who care and love and show kindness. I want my Veteran neighbor to know that he's made the world better, and in our place, he's made it feel like home. I hope he gets to come home and live healthy and happy for many more years to come. And if he goes soon, I want him to know how much I respect him, and I wish him a safe journey to the other side.


UPDATE 25 AUGUST 2018, SATURDAY

Today, I learned both the Veteran and his wife were on their porch. My other neighbor has reported to me: The wife had just got out of surgery and she was released yesterday. She picked up her husband who was released today. Both are recovering and are in good spirits and show remarkable strength. It is good news! I am happy for them!