"It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen."
Hurricane Dolly has pounded the area with terrible winds, torrential rains, and tornado forming thunderstorms. The resulting flooding has me wondering if perhaps I ought to build an ark. It worked for Noah.
But then I got to thinking, man that's an awful lot of work. Who the heck has the time and energy to round up animal kinds two by two; there would be a lot less animals if it was up to me--so long cockroaches and mosquitoes and rats! I'm sure even Noah eliminated some animals from his ark. Why else are dinosaurs and unicorns extinct?
Not that I blame Noah; can you imagine cleaning up after brontosaurus poop? I don't think they make litterboxes big enough for that mess. I sure as hell a'int going to spend the rest of the flood cleaning up after animal crap. All the more reason why I should forget the ark venture. What's even worse is what if I end up like Noah, stuck with his family on a raft for months til the waters recede? Is it any wonder Noah was an alcoholic? I go crazy after spending three days with my family--with some of them, it only takes three hours before I lose it! I'm afraid I'd've jumped off the ark before the week was over. Then there is the crucial problem of using gopher wood to build the ark. Where the hell do I find gopher wood? What the hell is gopher wood?
Oh, well, by tomorrow night, Dolly would've moved inland and break apart as thunderstorms. I'll just have to wait and see if I need to reevaluate the need for an ark. But I've decided on a new plan to weather out the storm. I'm going to play some Dolly Parton songs
and I'll just have to make a hurricane that I can enjoy.
- 2 oz light rum
- 2 oz dark rum
- 2 oz passion fruit juice
- 1 oz orange juice
- 1/2 oz fresh lime juice
- 1 tbsp simple syrup
- 1 tbsp grenadine
- Garnish: orange slice and cherry
Shake all the ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice and strain into a hurricane glass. Garnish with a cherry and an orange slice.
Invented during World War II at Pat O'Briens bar in the French Quarter of New Orleans; it got it's name from the shape of the hurricane lamp.
I'm sure Noah would approve; the lush probably had a few to pass the time on the ark.