Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Hello, Dolly!

"It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen."
~Dolly Parton

Hurricane Dolly has pounded the area with terrible winds, torrential rains, and tornado forming thunderstorms. The resulting flooding has me wondering if perhaps I ought to build an ark. It worked for Noah.

But then I got to thinking, man that's an awful lot of work. Who the heck has the time and energy to round up animal kinds two by two; there would be a lot less animals if it was up to me--so long cockroaches and mosquitoes and rats! I'm sure even Noah eliminated some animals from his ark. Why else are dinosaurs and unicorns extinct?

Not that I blame Noah; can you imagine cleaning up after brontosaurus poop? I don't think they make litterboxes big enough for that mess. I sure as hell a'int going to spend the rest of the flood cleaning up after animal crap. All the more reason why I should forget the ark venture. What's even worse is what if I end up like Noah, stuck with his family on a raft for months til the waters recede? Is it any wonder Noah was an alcoholic? I go crazy after spending three days with my family--with some of them, it only takes three hours before I lose it! I'm afraid I'd've jumped off the ark before the week was over. Then there is the crucial problem of using gopher wood to build the ark. Where the hell do I find gopher wood? What the hell is gopher wood?

Oh, well, by tomorrow night, Dolly would've moved inland and break apart as thunderstorms. I'll just have to wait and see if I need to reevaluate the need for an ark. But I've decided on a new plan to weather out the storm. I'm going to play some Dolly Parton songs

and I'll just have to make a hurricane that I can enjoy.

- 2 oz light rum
- 2 oz dark rum
- 2 oz passion fruit juice
- 1 oz orange juice
- 1/2 oz fresh lime juice
- 1 tbsp simple syrup
- 1 tbsp grenadine
- Garnish: orange slice and cherry

Shake all the ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice and strain into a hurricane glass. Garnish with a cherry and an orange slice.

Invented during World War II at Pat O'Briens bar in the French Quarter of New Orleans; it got it's name from the shape of the hurricane lamp.

I'm sure Noah would approve; the lush probably had a few to pass the time on the ark.


  1. You're singing "Jolene" as I type this, aren't you?

    A friend dragged me into Pat O'Briens along with every other tourist in New Orleans for a Hurricane.

    Little did I know the Hurricane's namesake would demolish my beloved city later.

    It packs quite a punch, doesn't it?

  2. By "packs quite a punch" I mean the drink.

  3. A few years ago my name was up for a hurricane name, but it never came around. I was kind of disappointed, and yet happy that we didn't have so many hurricanes that it went into the "T"s.

  4. And I thought this Hurricane Dolly was her whirlwind tour to promote her new album.

    How about that!

    Actually come to think of it, Dolly's doing Europe at the moment.

    When asked how long it takes to do her hair she said "I don't know, I'm never there"


  5. Just saw the damage in south Texas on the news.

    How are you holding up there?

  6. Although I like the look of the drinkable hurricane - good grief. I'll stick to cuba libres. Much easier to make. Mind you, I would still want the cute litte umbrella.

  7. Tara, you know, I've wondered how these hurricane names make the cut, like why Dolly and not Desdemona? Hopefully, this season will be relatively quiet, though it usually peaks in Sept.

    CP, that Dolly! I luv her quotes. One of my faves is "I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde".

    MJ, I'm fine, except I've run out of passion fruit juice, so no more drinking hurricanes. Luckily, the flooding and the wind have gone down. I'm a few miles inland, which is a much safer place to live than right on the beach!

    Snooze, you can have the little umbrella! In South Texas, the last item on the gov't approved hurricane survival kit is alcohol!

  8. Phew! Good news.

    My fave Dolly quote is "It takes a lot of money to look this cheap."

  9. MJ, that Dolly is quite the character!