Monday, November 26, 2007

Open Season

Ladies and Gentlemen, I officially declare the start of the The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition! All are welcomed! The rules of the hunt are explained in the post below...Hit me with your best shot! ;) Go on...come and get it!!!


  1. Billy Ray Cyrus regrets betting his latest song will be a worldwide smash.

  2. Comment: Hats off to the latest FGES pose.

    Hat! I said hat!!

  3. I don't think Kylie had this in mind when she sang 'Cowboy Style'.

  4. ErosWings brings his crabs to the beach for a day out.

  5. Just as an observation, look at how desperate IDV is to get them back again. He's like Gollum lusting over the one ring…

  6. I heard IVD lusted over many rings.

  7. IDV you get props for the Kylie comment - not everyone knows that song

  8. Despite the distance and years of waiting, Eroswings began to realise he would have to give up his desire for a secret liaison with a Blackpool Beach Donkey

  9. YNF poses for the new Marlborough boot ad

    because he's worth it

  10. It's tiny and chubby
    and gets so hard with touch
    but soon it grows up
    and blows with one pop

    He looks with joy
    with a smile so coy
    the elf pants so stale
    with IDVs bodiely ale

    ***By the off chance I'm considered in the running for these icky pants I can't accept the dubious honour as I'm in the middle of a move and well I don't want them***

  11. 'Looking butch was a bit difficult for Cassidy after his rent boy, The Sundance Kid, scarpered with his clothes.'

    And, thanks for the props, CyberPoof. I assume they're equivalent to snaps?

  12. 'Muscle Beach had never looked so gay!'

    * ignores Tim and SID *

  13. 'The other members of The Village People had long gone by the time the Cowboy (and his member) had dug himself out of the sand.'

  14. 'YMCA TFGES'

    OK: Young Man Cums All-over The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts.

  15. Mmmmm... That half-smile from under the hat is just so sexy...

    Shit! Did I say that out loud?!


    And that wasn't a caption.

  16. "Bugger"


    "Of all the beaches in all the world, the only thing I found to cover my embarrasingly small cock was a washed up pair of Robinson Crusoe's shorts"

  17. The Naked Cowboy’s fears of being replaced by a hot, young, up-start, Elf Shorts-clad buckaroo are realized.

  18. wyndham: Excellent first shot! Welcome!
    *starts playing Achy Breaky Heart*

    SID: Great job! I've been told I can be quite an ass...or was it mule?

    IDV: So many hilarious entries...I've been laughing out so much. Super job! The Muses must be working overtime!

    Tim: Welcome! Once you've had The Shorts in your grasp, it's hard to resist the power of the precious...

    CP: You talented, bard, you know you want The Shorts...Danish Queens and denial..."The lady doth protest too much, methinks".

    P&T: Awesome!
    *wonders, where is that man Friday?*

    MJ: ;)
    *Must get lessons on playing with my instrument in the nude, in public.*

  19. Don't squat with your spurs on.

  20. Please do!

    But make sure MJ's tongue is buried in your arse first.

    Anyway... You ruined what was to be my section caption!

    Here it is anyway.

    "Friday! Oh Friday! Where are you? I have something for you!"

  21. "Does my cock look BIG with these shorts"

  22. Piggy: You snooze, you lose.

    Tatas: Your cock does indeed look big in those shorts.

  23. Oi fuck off bitch I'm ill. It's a caption competition and I left mine.

  24. He's thinking, wait til they go back to MJ and she'll have to rub all the crusty bits off these shorts.

  25. MJ: Advice duly noted.

    P&T: OOPs! Well, great minds think alike!

    Tatas: Welcome! At this point, the outside is the only place that doesn't have crusts from the other winners!!!

  26. The outside is the only place that doesn't have crusts?

    I wouldn't be so sure of that.

    *looks askance*

  27. Snaps would be more appropiate IDV. Have you heard the album yet?

  28. At the crack of dawn
    he stood wearing his ill fitted boots
    squeezing his fine glutes
    holding his hat
    thinking tit for tat
    rubbing his tackle
    he hears MJ cackle
    it loses power
    he needs a shower

  29. The cover of Garth Brooks new album

    Shape up and slip out

  30. MJ: Well, them be some very soft, silky crusts...mmmm....feels so good...

    CP:'re on a roll!

  31. I guess you are very inspirational

    especially your


  32. CP on a roll? A crusty roll, no doubt.

    Have anyone besides IVD and CyberSlut asked for your phone number yet?

  33. *Enter Winston Churchill*

    "We shall fuck them on the beaches"


  34. Eroswings and his WW2 renactment group were not too sure if the order was to "Storm the Normandy Beach" or "Storm Norman on the Beach"

  35. Filming of the fake tan commercial stopped when it was pointed out to Eroswings that he should have used the last bottle from the top down.

  36. Last war one from me. Promise!

    "I love the feel of polyester in the morning"

  37. MJ: I'm sure it wont be long before you get his number you whore.

    Eroswings: thx for the welcome.

  38. CP: Thanks;) I luv the hat as well; it's made of felt; I do enjoy the feel of beaver on my head.

    MJ: Well, CP is Danish, so I suppose it makes him either full of fruity goodness or cheese...

    SID: Great ones! "We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. "~Winston Churchill.

    Tatas: I hope you're feeling better; that MJ is a crafty one...

  39. Hey Santa come back here!

    You forgot your pants

  40. Eros: She's more than crafty she's the biggest BITCH ever and that's taken over my bitchiness.

  41. No caption, just...very, very nice.

  42. My name is Hermie and I don't want to make toys. Someday, I want to be a dentist!

    Now open wide...

    ::hanging head in shame. Weak, I know. I'm just here for the scenery::

  43. Like a jingle bell cowboy
    he rings his bell
    wiggles his bum
    the water is coming
    it won't be long

  44. CP: Ho!Ho!Ho!--and I'm not calling you a whore ;)

    Tatas: MJ can't help it; she is Canadian, and living in the pot capital of Canada has surely affected her behavior.

    Dinah: Thank you! Just trying to live up to the high standards previously set by the enchanted IDV...

    Chicka: Oral hygiene is important...when the dentist is done drilling, feel free to either spit or swallow...

    CP: Oh, what fun it is to ride...

  45. Not knowing his right from his left, caused consternation to the beach goers as ErosWings attempted to remove his hat in greeting...

  46. The sun wasn't the only thing that rose that morning.
    The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts hung on for dear life!

  47. IDV: Thank goodness for the Elf Shorts! Thought I had lost my swim trunks, but thanks to your post, I see that Daniel Craig had taken them--probably for a mission for Her Majesty's Secret Service!

  48. with a smile so coy
    stripped the cowboy
    the water dripped
    from his abs so ripped
    his body hot
    he felt like a stud
    the shorts at display
    to much dismay
    for the audience so big
    they felt so sick
    the ocean roared
    his mood soared
    there was something arise
    it felt so nice
    his manly scent
    increased as he bent
    over and wiggled
    as the audience giggled
    IDV shouted with glee
    come to me
    but the cowboy would not
    IDVs advances were shot
    down with force
    as the cowboy rode his horse
    off into the ocean
    the saddle slippery with lotion
    the audience cheered
    miss Mangle leered
    IDV found the shorts on the beach
    left there for him to reach
    he sniffed the cowboys essence
    but he learned his lessons
    the shorts were tainted
    and with vaginal fluids painted
    but as IDV fainted
    the cowboy came back
    put IDV in a sack
    and sold him into white slavery
    his future life very unsavory
    the cowboy live on
    to marry a fireman named Roy
    the lived happiely ever after
    while IDV spent his life serving his master

  49. What A loverly story Cyberoliop.

    You win!!

  50. OMG!

    Love this so much.......

    Oh, am so happy right now!

  51. Is that an elf in your pants, or are you glad to see him, Andi?

  52. I hope penicillin can fix this.


    Green and red and floppy is not good!

    BTW - I am Andrea's husband and the first elf shorts wearer!!

  53. CP: Ah, the new Hans Christian Andersen has arrived...Your tales are best read at bedtime--with some tissue and lotion nearby ;)

    IDV: I agree, CP has written his best work yet! It's like a screenplay for the next blockbuster (porn) film, "The Pirates of the Caribbean: Elf Shorts on man's end".

    Andi: Glad that you're happy. The feel of these Shorts do induce a very happy feeling ;) You picked a winner when you bought this baby!

    Chicka: I think it would be great to have an elf in one's pants...better yet, a dwarf, in case one has to battle the dark forces of Mordor--or look for cleaning products under the sink.

    JP: Welcome! I am thrilled to take part in the Great Shorts Odyssey you and Andi started! Since leaving your home, these Shorts have touched more strangers than a doctor in a STD clinic...No antibiotic exists to conquer the power that has arisen from the various mixtures of previous winners' contributions ;)

    And a hearty congratulations to all our captioners and commentators. Midnight Monday will be the deadline to submit your entries--to submit under the power of The Shorts. Best of luck to all! I've enjoyed laughing out loud at the entries so far...Y'all rock!!!

  54. Why is it the only thing I can think of is, "Save a horse, ride a cowboy"?

    If I would have known about this earlier, I would have DEFINITELY put this up for Fave Foto Friday.

    Fuck it, I still will.

  55. Maidink: Ha!Ha!Ha! Thanks! Classic caption!

  56. Children weep as Free Willy is beached.

  57. Free Willy? Only if you're paying by the pound!


    You know your cock needs a fucking good wash when it starts to resemble a small handful of soggy spinach leaves!


    And so they travel on,
    Those Freakin' Green Elf Shorts.

    They've travelled o'er air and sea,
    To foreign parts and ports.

    They've covered cock & covered minge,
    They've even covered MJ's head.
    We've seen them on a skinny poof, laying underneath a shed.

    But Smunty the Postal Cabin Boy,
    Looked by far most fetching.
    This new display of skin and sand,
    It's set my poor guts retching!

    Ok, nice hat and cowgirl boots,
    But where's the moobs and belly?
    We all know thats what real men are like,
    You know, fat and bald and smelly.

    So anyway*, I refuse to win,
    I've had them damn shorts once.
    So give them to some other twat,
    You bosseyed bunch of cunts!

    (*Piggy's favourite word)

    *bows in deference to Andi on way out*

  58. Them elf shorts they don't fit,
    He needs to use them to cover his bits.
    He holds on to his hat as the wind picks up,
    For hours he'll be getting sand out from his butt.

  59. SID: Kids eventually have to learn the world can be a cold, harsh place; other times, it can be full of surprises; for instance, whale poop makes good perfume...

    Steve: Such fine poetry. I haven't read such scintillating writing since the last time I was at a public restroom and read the intriguing limericks on the wall.

    Tatas: You must be psychic! I was actually contemplating laying down on the sand, but didn't want those hard grains getting into those deep, hard to reach crevices ;)

  60. It was just a last minute thought I had and I'm glad I put it into words lol

    Be afraid be very afraid I am physic.


  61. Oh for the love of fuck, I slept right through this??? Oye!

    Sorry I missed out on your compo, have been dealing with a fucked up illness that just doesnt want to go away.

    Umm.. might I add, Nice Shorts! LOL

    Could you umm.. maybe sneeze?

    *is going to have great dreams tonight and the hubster might just get laid too*

    *peeks under the shorts*


  62. Krissteen: Thanks! Hope you get better soon! I'm sure your hubster's going to be happy with what he gets ;)

    The Shorts are on their way back to Tatas!