Saturday, November 24, 2007

Rules of the Game

The time has come again, to revel in magic that is The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition! Come one, come all, oh come all ye faithful! Behold the power of the shiny, velvety, 100% polyester Made in China--lead free--No Boundaries shorts! Well traveled, worn by some of the cleverest--and most perverted--minds and finest bodies the world over!

What's this all about, you ask? Well, thanks to the entertaining, uninhibited Informanic, MJ, we have a history of The Shorts, its origins and the tales of previous winners and what they did to add to the growing legend. The last winner, the creative, enigmatic, and enchanted IDV, charted the long, winding, adventurous course the The Shorts have made over the years. Though many have tried, there can be only one winner, and it could be you!

So now, we come to the rules of the game, brought to you in part by MJ and IDV...

“What do I have to do to win The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts?” you ask. On Monday morning, the 26th of November, 2007, I will post a pic of myself posing with the The Shorts. You will then take some time to admire the foto, and create a caption inspired by the foto. You will then post your caption in the comments sections, and from these entries, I will declare the most creative and hilarious caption as the winner on the the following Tuesday, the 4th of December, 2007.

“May I enter more than once?” Enter as many captions as you wish, as often as you like. You have until the midnight of Monday, the 3rd of December, 2007 to submit your caption(s).

“What happens if I win?” If you’re chosen as the lucky winner, I’ll send The Shorts to you. If you’re in another country, I’ll also send you a souvenir of my county & country; either Galveston county or Nueces county, the big old U.S. of A ,along with The Shorts. Then it’s your turn to take a foto of yourself wearing The Shorts and post it on your blog, so the fun can continue on and on...

“I don’t have a blog or a website. Can I still enter?” No. You're ineligible to win. But you can still participate. Though, you need to set yourself up with a blog because if you win, you must post a pic of yourself wearing The Shorts. We all want to see you make a fool of yourself like the previous winners have all done.

“If I send you my credit card number and access to my bank account, will you declare me the winner?” Bribery, while welcomed, will have no bearing on picking the winner. So far I have received bribes involving nudie pics of other contestants, promises of sexual gratification, and offers of liquor and recreational drugs. Once again, these will not win you the contest--but feel free to send them anyway. A$$ kissing and begging, while entertaining, will not win you The Shorts--but feel free to do so anyway, so long as they come with the bribes.

“What if I don’t want to win The Shorts but I want to tell you how stupid you look in The Shorts?” If you don’t want to win The Shorts you can still leave a comment. Just be sure to let me know it’s a comment and not a caption.

“Are those stains removable?” No amount of scrubbing will remove the stains. And why would you want to?

“Will you wash The Shorts before you send them to me?” Again, why would you want me to?

Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare yourselves for another round of good times at someone's (my) expense. I feel like Miss Universe, taking a last look around at the great times I've had with the Shorts, the memories, the fun, and the end of my reign as we look forward to crowning our new winner. And so I leave you with a preview of things to come. An appropriate foto of where I use to work, when I first got into the business, learning the rules of a different game. The end result always being the same: The winner takes it all, and that winner could be you!


  1. Good Gods! You went out in public wearing them?!?

    * slides down ErosWings' big pole *

    You're welcome!

  2. They take credit cards on the corner of Booty and Devine.

    You want me to slide my card through where?

  3. IDV: The public adores the many wanted to feel me up wearing them ;) You'd think I was wearing the Shroud of Turin. I hope it wasn't too rough sliding down my pole ;P

    chicka: Welcome! Feel free to manually swipe your card thru the end provided. Braille is available to the visually impaired, so feel free to feel the knobs and ends.
    *Please note: American Express and Personal Checks not accepted.

  4. See, now I feel like I've prematurely ejaculated. (I was wondering why no one else was captioning.)

    Damn. Onward and upward, I always say. (Or is that shove it onward and upward? Meh. No difference really.)

  5. chicka, the sight of The Shorts causes people to jump the gun...the good news is, you got one off ;)
    Let me give you a hand up.