Among the many things that've kept me occupied the last few weeks, I finally made a trip home and back yesterday. After working 13 hours, I got a 2 hour nap before I spent 7 hours on the road--would've been 8 hours, but I was so tired that I stopped off to sleep at a friend's place. Why the long journey home and back? Well, to pick up the Shorts, of course. Yes, my friends, the Freakin Green Elf Shorts are now in my possession.
It actually arrived about 19 days ago at my home, but I'm currently working 4 hours away on an assignment. Since it was my day off, I went to pay my rent and pick up my mail. I was handed the package containing the Shorts by the asst. mgr. She informed me that the manager had taken some sick leave which, coincidentally, began the day the Shorts arrived.
After a long drive, I spent the night at my friend's place, sleeping on her guest bed...with the Shorts next to me. Nothing untoward happened--at least I don't remember anything. Of course, I slept all day and before I could post the good news of the Shorts debut in Texas, I was whisked away to a social gathering, lured by the promise of free food and booze. Now, I'm back, slightly inebriated, ready to fall asleep as I must work all this weekend. Rest assured, my friends, that I'll post some pics in the next few weeks. In the meantime, I shall do my best to entertain the Shorts, and give them a tour of the sights and thrills of this part of the world.
My friend wanted to know what I had in the package, but I did not feel like telling her about the Shorts. I'd like to think that I was protecting her from some monstrous horror--or perhaps I may have wanted to keep her as a friend ;) I may have somewhat left out parts of the truth when I laughed and told her that it was care package from the Queen of England--and what a surprise I got from handling those wonderful gifts IDV sent to accompany the Shorts. I have built a somewhat semi-respectable reputation, and I'd like to keep it intact. I'm not sure what it could be, but I feel so filthy and depraved when I touch these velvety, shiny Shorts. It makes me feel so dirty, but it's the good kind of dirty...
;)
I think you'll find that there's no 'good kind of dirty' when it comes to The 'Shorts.
ReplyDeleteNow, on your knees before me! I hereby dub thee Sir ErosWings.
And while you're down there...
Did you need help finding a contact lens?
ReplyDeleteYou smelt them didn't you??
ReplyDeleteAdmit it.
Of course he smelt them SID. Can you hear that jingling? He's got a couple of bells stuck up his nose!
ReplyDeleteA contact lense? No, I think my shoelace came untied...
See that huge stain that spreads out and covers the crotch area?
ReplyDeleteThat's SID's stain.
I picked away at the crusty bits and snorted them so there's none left for you.
But I've left a stain of my own.
Take your time...you'll find it.
SID: Not only have I thoroughly investigated it's scent(s), I've also taken some time to caress that velvety goodness...mmmmm...
ReplyDeleteIDV: The sweet sound of jingling bells...why give me a bright robe, a unique hat, and if I work all Xmas eve to reach millions around the world, why you would think I was the pope!
MJ: I'm scraping samples to smell, uh, sell on ebay...
What bonus surprises did IVD toss into the parcel?
ReplyDeleteIDV: Thank you for not passing them on to me. I'm forever indebted to you
ReplyDeleteIf you ever need me to "tie your shoelace" just let me know
*laughs*
Oh and Bingowings - I feel for you in these terrible times of the shorts
MJ: IDV sent a taste of one of Norwich's finest treats and something hard, fun, and useful...
ReplyDeleteCP: The Shorts and I are spending some terribly fun times feeling each other...and The Shorts have offered to tie my shoelace ;)
Glad to see that the shorts have made it to their next victim, er um, stop. Enjoy them in only a way that a true Texan can ;)
ReplyDeleteKrissteen, welcome! And I've taken the Shorts to some of the finest strip clubs and rodeos this side of the Mississippi. Later, tonight, we'll be tipping cows...picking out the ones'll we'll probably BBQ later in the day ;)
ReplyDeleteOMG - When I first saw the still of the video I thought you had made a video yourself and that it involved the shorts at some point.....
ReplyDeleteGlad they are still moving, and I DO wonder if they will ever make their way back to my fair hands......
I am NEVER more amazed at the journey they have taken than when I read the next part.
Andi, Welcome!
ReplyDeleteYou started something fantastic and truly amazing. Who knows, they may very well end up back in your hands...just make sure you wash your hands after, though ;)
It is an astounding venture you've started, and I'm glad to be a part of this ongoing saga. In the next two weeks, in time for Thanksgiving, I shall post the Shorts Compo and begin the cycle once more...
Thanks for all the fun!!!
*sits anxiously awaiting the doning of the cowboy in the elfshorts*
ReplyDeleteFuck the shorts, just show us what you got.. :)
Damn, sorry about that.. Sometimes that little voice pops out without my knowledge and leaves some crude words.
You're patience has been and will continue to be rewarded!
ReplyDelete