Imagine my surprise--and horror--at finding out that I've won the (in)famous Green Elf Shorts. I hope that I can live up to the high standards set up the previous winners. I'm flattered (and frightened). I do have concerns about coming into contact with the Shorts that has literally touched so many, so intimately. Surely this must be some kind of public health violation. Do I really want to touch it?
I shall look into wearing protection and starting on prophylaxis antibiotics. Perhaps I should also update my will.