Monday, July 13, 2009

The Origin of Specious

I like babies. I mean, they're cute, they smell nice, and they have really great smiles and infectious laughter. It's fun to play with them, watch them roll around or crawl or try to walk, stumbling, fumbling, and getting back up. They talk nonsense, throw up, and cry and giggle for no apparent reason sometimes. It's like watching little tiny drunks, except they're so much cuter and easier to pick up from the floor.

I've helped raised a number of them over the years. I know it's not all fun, I mean, they do need to be fed, burped, bathed, and put to sleep--that I don't mind so much. But they do need to be changed and they do cry a lot sometimes--that I do mind a little. And as much as I luv holding them, playing with them, or taking them out for a stroll, at the end of the day, I'm really glad that I don't have one. They're a lot of work and responsibility, and I'm not quite ready to change my life and be responsible for another human being--I'm barely responsible enough to take care of myself.

I was hanging out with a few friends, grilling some food and listening to some music. We were out in the back, under the shade, laughing, talking, drinking. It was mostly single adults; but a few others stopped by and brought their kids. One was a newborn baby, two months old, and everyone oohed and ahhed over him. A few people took turns holding the baby, admiring him as he just laid quietly. Of course, when I held the baby, the baby's older brother, a child about 4 years old asked me, "Where do babies come from?"

Oye! What do I say? Everyone was quiet, looking at me, waiting along with the 4 year old for the answer. I looked to the kid's parents, but they were smirking, clearly enjoying the befuddled look on my face. Hey, they're the parents. Shouldn't they be answering these questions? It was clear that no one else would step in and answer or at least distract this kid. So I repeated the same answer my mother told me, when I was that age and asked that question, "Babies come from the hospital."

The adults started giggling. Luckily, the kid seemed satisfied and wandered off. One of my friends said, "You just lied to that little boy!"

I replied, "Hey, I didn't lie to the kid. This baby did come from the hospital where he was born. Besides, it'd be wrong for me to tell that child any lies; that job belongs to his parents!"

After my mother told me that babies come from the hospital, every time we went to the hospital and passed by the nursery, I'd ask my Mom, "Can we get a baby today?"

To which she answered, "No, they're too expensive."

Once I asked, "Well, how much do they cost?"

She replied, "Five dollars."

"Wow," I said, "They are expensive!"

And when my sister came home with my newborn niece and I asked her, "How much did your baby cost?"

She answered, "Ten dollars."

And I said, "Wow! That's a really expensive baby!"

And people wonder why I have trust issues with my family.


  1. has anyone told y'all just how adorable y'all are, sugar? ;~D xoxox

    (i am still laughing at the blog title!)

  2. Savannah, Thanks! You're sweet.

  3. Eeeekkk!

    Babies again!

    I just came from Savannah's where she has babies on wheels.

    Stop the madness!

  4. MJ, Babies are a reminder to use protection...because the only person who ought be passed out on the floor is me after having one too many drinks.

  5. I wouldn't mind a puppy. They don't ask questions.

  6. Scarlet B, Puppies are cute. And most fit nicely into a purse.

  7. What exactly do people think will happen to young children if they find out about reproduction? They seem to think it'd be traumatic in some way.

    If kids want a short answer, just tell them "You came from your mother". Though when I was told that and nothing else, I spent months trying to work out what men were for.

    Now I know exactly what men are for.

  8. Kapi, Ha!Ha!

    I'm just glad I don't have to tell kids about sex! I'd have to use charts and pictures and props to explain things.

    In 6th grade, I had an idea of how babies where delivered--C sections. So when a friend (a girl) told me that babies also come out of the nether regions, I called her a liar and told her she was wrong! There was no way a baby was going to be able to come out of that small hole!

    7th grade science proved me wrong.

  9. Babies are wonderful and they don't really start getting expensive until the 5th grade when they discover the mall :)

    You did the right thing and you should always mention that vertebrates all form as default females...
    that is a great ice/deal breaker.

  10. Five dollars for a baby is a bargain. Pity poor Bruno who had to swap his iPod for that baby OJ!

  11. Donn, I'll remember that tidbit for the next party that I attend!

    I never got an allowance when I was a kid. But I did find ways to earn spending cash. I figure if the kids are old enough to go to the mall, then they're old enough to get a paper route or some job to pay for their expenses. Maybe open a lemonade stand to help people cool off from the summer heat.

    EmmaK, Bruno got ripped off! Why didn't he pick up a baby from Africa like all the other celebrities?

  12. Kids do ask the darndest things, don't they? Sheesh. You could've also answered him by saying, "Ask your parents!"

  13. Tara, Out of the mouths of children...You know, I didn't think about referring him to his parents til afterwards. I'm just glad he stopped asking questions!