Friday, July 17, 2009

Clean Break

I've been busy this week. And I've been dreading this weekend. It's that time again to go through and purge all the stuff I've accumulated. I'm kind of a pack rat. I can't seem to bring myself to throw things away, especially if they're still working or in good condition. I don't like to waste stuff. I try to reuse them or at least think of a way to re purpose them. Old clothes get donated or recycled into wash rags. Plastic bags from groceries become liners for the small wastebaskets. Newspapers become cleaning rags for glass and mirrors. I save the large oversize big gulp cup from the gas station soda fountain; I wash and reuse it at home. I just fill it up once and it lasts the rest of the meal. I have regular glasses but I use them for company.

I wish I could say that everything I've kept is useful, but the truth is, a lot of it is just useless junk. I have a bunch of magazines and newsletters just piling up in the corner. The boxes that held the appliances I've bought are taking up space in the closets. I have lids for Tupperware long gone and plastic containers that no longer have lids. The same can be said for kitchenware--I've got lids that match no pots and pans that I never use. All of it is taking up space.

So about every three months, I go through my stuff and purge all the junk. It's a lot of work, but it's so worth it. Besides, I hate having clutter all over the place. Still, it's never easy for me to part with some of these things. But I have to remind myself that I don't need it. It's time for a clean break. Speaking of clean breaks, I'm also having to deal with getting rid of someone, someone I used to be friends with a few years ago.

It's never easy breaking up with people. There's really no easy or right way. Once I made the foolish mistake of listening to some female friends. They persuaded me that that I should go over to the girl's apt and break up with her there, face to face, because she would need the comfort of her home and a way to reach out to her friends for support. So like an idiot, I follow their advice, only to end up with a vase tossed at me and a shard that cut two inches along my forearm. I still have the scar. And when I saw my female friends, I told them that was the last time that I ever take any break up advice from them!

I've also been told that honesty is the best policy when it comes to breaking up. Yeah, I don't think so. Once again, it was another female friend who told me this crap. I don't think it's necessary to be honest with someone when you break up with them. Once, I briefly dated a woman who didn't shave her armpits. I tried to be cool about it, because she was really fun. But she had more hair in her underarms than I did. And when we went out dancing one night, she lifted her arms and twirled about. My eyes were drawn to her armpits. She had used a deodorant that left white flakes, and it looked like she had those puffy, white powdered pastries glued to her armpits. It was not a pretty picture. So I broke up with her, telling her that I wasn't ready for anything serious. I sure as hell wasn't going to tell her that her hairy armpits freaked me out. That was my issue; she was fine with her armpit hair. What would be the point of telling the truth? I'd only hurt her more. I maybe a shallow jackass, but I certainly refuse to be complete A-hole.

If I've learned anything from my previous experiences, it's that there's no right way to break up with someone--and I may need to stop listening to my female friends, or get some wiser ones. So now, my current method of breaking up with people is to just cut off complete communication--no phone calls, no letters, no showing up at the same places. It's cold, but I still haven't figured out a way to break up with people without anyone getting hurt--especially me!

It's worked very well with people that I don't like. If you can't say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all. Most of them get the hint. Except this ex friend who keeps calling me, leaving me text messages--none of them have been returned or acknowledged. I'm hoping she'll eventually get the hint that I really don't want her in my life. If there's an easier way to break up, I still haven't found it. I'm cleaning house this weekend, getting rid of the mess and stress in my home. I'm doing the the same in my personal life.


  1. You have glasses for company? Are they good conversationalists?
    Did I spell that right?

  2. How about a return message saying: Sorry, but this is not working for me.
    Or something like that, otherwise she will continue to live in hope.

  3. i'm with scarlet on this one, sugar. you have to say something, so she understands that you aren't interested in even a friendship. ever! xoxox

    (so, when you're done cleaning can you come work on my office/guestroom?)

  4. Having a good clearout is good for the soul .
    As a break up mission statement how about
    As lovely as you are YOU DO MY HEAD IN....GOODBYE

  5. I would break up with someone if they showed up wearing Crocs, loafers with tassels, or socks with sandals.

  6. I've got a house full of clutter and I've had to learn to accept that it's just what I'm used to. If I had to live in a minimalist house I'd feel oppressed/tense/miserable.

    As someone who once broke up with a bloke by letter, I'm really the last person to advise anyone about finishing a relationship. Ahem.

  7. Hello Mr Swings - Decluttering is good for the soul.

    I think a letter is a good enough way to say goodbye.

  8. Send her a text that says something along the lines of "This just isn't working for me. Have a nice life."

    It's always hard and you are right, there is no one right way to end any kind of a relationship. All depends on who you are and who they are and what kind of a relationship you had. Gotta play it by ear.

    But obviously she doesn't understand the incommunicado thing.

    Good luck. ~hugs~ xoxo

  9. Scarlet B x2, Ha! If I've had too much to drink, those glasses (and anything else) become pretty good company!

    I'm afraid of returning a message because she might interpret it as a sign of hope!

    Savannah, I fear saying anything to her, because she might think I'm interested--she'll ignore the message and just focus on the fact that I contacted her. Then she'll redouble her efforts to contact me! Aye!

    I'll gladly come over to work on your guest room as soon as I've reorganized and uncluttered my apt. I'm hoping for a cold glass of iced tea to fuel me.

    Beast, You're absolutely right! A good cleaning is a cathartic experience, especially when it's done during good music to set the cleaning mood!

    I'm hoping my cold shoulder treatment will be just as effective in sending that "Cease & Desist all contact" message.

  10. MJ, I don't care what they're wearing so long as they look good wearing it! But I'm adding "psychotic" to my list of reasons to break up with someone. I really should know better by now.

    Betty, Welcome! I live in an apt, so space is limited. I wouldn't want to live in a minimalist house either, but I'm afraid the clutter is taking up valuable space and becoming an eyesore when I come home.

    A "Dear John" letter! Ha! I'd write one in a heartbeat if I was out of the country, but I'm not moving anytime soon!

    LuLu L, Welcome! As much as I dread decluttering, I always feel so much better afterwards.

    I'm afraid a letter might give the impression that I care and might give her hope!

    Ponita, I fear sending any sort of message to this one might give her hope. She'll totally figure that since I wrote, I must still be interested, regardless of the message. She likes to twist things to fit her views.

    I'm really hoping that my silence will piss her off enough to erase my contact information and never call me again.

  11. I never had the break up problem where I had to figure a way to do it ... they always dumped me first.

  12. XL, Welcome!

    Ha! I've been dumped a lot, too! That I don't mind so much. What I need to do is figure out who the crazies are and stay away from them, so I wouldn't have to find a way to dump them afterwards!

  13. Oh Hai XL!

    I hope you're not wearing Crocs.

  14. What kind of idiot throws things at someone who's breaking up with them?

    Do they think it's a persuasive "come back to me" argument? Do they think it demonstrates what a catch they are and how you'll never find someone else as calm and sorted? Perhaps they get confused between "passion" and "violent mood swings".

    And what kind of a person gets vitriolic about it? It's like saying "The bloke who dumped me is a worthless piece of scum, and I'm really angry that I'm not going out with a piece of scum anymore. I want my scum back!".

    No. I've come to the conclusion that the best matches are between people who don't need each other, but like being together. In other words, the best love is friendship.

  15. MJ, Given his post celebrating the Moon landing, I'm sure XL's wearing rocket boots.

    Kapi, I'll tell what kind of idiot throws things at someone breaking up with them: It's the psychotic kind!

    Though, if anyone's an idiot, it's me for going out with psycho for that long and then listening to my friends advice. And I'm still an idiot because I somehow managed to hook up with a few more psychos since.

    It's crazy that some people confuse violence and fights with passion. You're right! The people who last long are the ones who enjoy each other's company and know when to to give each other space!

  16. You could move house without telling her... that would do it. I am with you on the armpit thing by the way. Couldn't you have like bought her a depilator?

  17. Muts, I dread having to pack up and move! I've got so much crap--which I'm still cleaning up by the way. You know, I tried to look past the underarm hair thing, but I just couldn't--and after seeing those white deodorant flakes on them, I didn't want any powdered pastries for a while.

  18. If it is any consolation, for the last hour and a half I have been reorganizing my clothes closet.

    I've pulled everything out, cleaned the floor, put aside anything that needs mending or sending to the Sally Ann, and I'm now (between sneaking peeks at blogs) artfully rearranging everything by type of clothing and colour.

  19. MJ, I, too, organize my closets by type and color, evenly spacing out the hangers.

    I'm still cleaning out the other closets and sorting through stuff in the kitchen. I'm waiting for the cover of darkness to take all the junk out! I don't want to frighten the neighbors when I start hauling out the junk!

  20. Throw out all your shirts.

    You don't need them.

  21. MJ, There's only one month of summer left, then it's going to get cold! I'd hate to walk around with a chill on my nipples! I might catch a cold!