We forgive your tendency to take American holidays & claim them as your own, by celebrating them a few days earlier than we do--Independence Day, Thanksgiving, Victoria Day/Memorial Day...
And having come to a friendly understanding after that 1812 kerfuffle--where we might have possibly gotten our asses kicked not once, not twice, but three times in massive failed attempts to invade & conquer...but who's counting? The important thing is, we came to a friendly understanding & know where we stand, becoming good friends. Sure, we burned your capital, & you burned ours. But we both came out strong...you with your new sense of Canadian identity & we got ourselves a song: Oh, say can you see?... Really, we both came out better.
The only losers & terrible losses were those poor people & innocent victims who died in the violent struggle & those Native Americans, who, once again, were lied to, betrayed, abandoned, then slaughtered by the white man who made false promises of Native independence & honoring Native treaties & land rights. Should've let those immigrant Pilgrims starve to death...instead of feeding them & helping them survive (& thrive!) in the New World.
Anyway, I blame those Old World imperialist bastards for dragging us into their mess. Our hemisphere was just caught in a pissing match between those Limey bastards & those snail munching Frogs. Honestly, those Old
Luckily, vibrant, young, & independent countries like us have learned from the messes & mistakes of the Old World. And though you've occasionally farted in our direction with a Celine Dion here & a Justin Bieber there, overall, we are glad to have you as a neighbor & friend. We couldn't ask for a better ally & amazing friend.
And while we recognize & are most impressed with so many of your awesome Canadian inventions--like ice hockey, basketball, snowmobiles, sonar, am radio, insulin, walkie-talkies, bacon, maple syrup, poutine, & Canada Dry Ginger Ale--we most admire you for your tenacity & fierce determination to claim Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, as one of your own, even though he was born & raised in Scotland. That kind of stubbornness & fierce pride can only be found on this continent, & it's that hardheaded, die hard, independent spirit that makes this hemisphere so great!
You may seem polite & clean cut with your courteous ways & kind actions, but your full nudity strip clubs & your aggressive, violent tendencies at hockey games makes you hell of a fun nation full of awesome surprises. Happy Birthday, you amazing country, eh!