Sometimes, I wonder where common sense has gone, and how much things have changed. Take dinner parties, for example. When I was younger, I learned that the three topics never to bring up at dinner parties were religion, politics, and sex. It's always polite to talk about the weather and geography and the food. Either people haven't gotten this message or times have truly changed!
It started when my friend made a comment about how the weather was making her skin dry. I told her that I agreed with her, and that the dry, cold air was making my skin dry, too. Suddenly, my friend's elderly aunt--a former Hippie in her 60s--decided to join our conversation, stating, "Oh, you youngsters don't know the meaning of the word dry."
We paused to give her our attention. And I regretted it immediately when she continued, "At my age, everything's dry--my skin, my hair, even my vagina."
That's right. She said her vagina! At which point the other conversations going around the dinner table stopped, and everyone else started paying attention to what the old lady was saying, "I have several different moisturizers for my skin and sex is very uncomfortable with a dry vagina, so I have to use a lot of lubrication so I can enjoy it better."
That's right. She said she has to use a lot of lubrication! She continued, "When you get to be my age, after menopause, it's like a desert down there."
At this point, I imagined a vulture, circling the skies, looking out for dead and dying creatures on the desert floor that is this woman's vagina. Suffice it to say I kept my mouth shut for fear of what other tidbits this elderly lady might want to share. Now I know why they call it menopause. Because at that age, the things that these women say give men-a-pause! Whether it's hormonal changes altering behavior or these women just don't give a damn any more, I don't know.
Now, I may not read Miss Manners, but I'm pretty sure that dry vaginas are not topics one should discuss at dinner parties. It's a dinner party, not a gynecologists convention! This morning, after I met my friend for breakfast, she asked me to go shopping with her. I blame the fact that I'm not a morning person, that my brain was not fully functioning when I answered her question, "What do you think I should get my aunt for Christmas?"
To which I immediately replied, "A big bottle of lube!"