Blame it on the rain

Last evening, we celebrated a friend's birthday. He wanted to go to a local karaoke bar because of the awesome happy hour dollar drinks and five dollar appetizers. The food is tasty and the drinks are great. And anyway, karaoke is a fun scene, especially when it's raining outside.

And it was raining hard. Rain can often make people do strange things to deal with the emotions and thoughts that rain often stirs. It can make you sad, or contemplative, or just ruin your plans for the day. But you can't let a little rain stop you from enjoying your day. You can still do fun things. And for fun, we went to the karaoke bar.

There was a karaoke competition for amateurs. We get some professionals--stage actors and actual professional performing choir members. But this competition was strictly for amateurs. Some people practice. Most just do it for fun, spur of the moment decision. This was some of my friends. But Birthday Boy (BB) and I, we spent two weeks practicing. And it showed.

The evening started with drinks and a few great performances. There were some horrible, gawd awful singing, but it was the braveness and spirit of celebration we cheered on. That's the nice thing about karaoke bars. The audience is so supportive. And they're also drunk. The most entertaining singers were often the most drunk.

And the middle age woman ahead of us was definitely drunk. She kept swaying and pranced unsteadily as she yowled out Sinead O'Connor's Nothing Compares 2 U. She sounded like two cats mating in the middle of the night. But we cheered her on, because she was giving it her all.

Most of the performers were solo acts. BB and I were a duo. While everyone else sang one song, we came up with a medley of songs that shared a rain theme, since it had been raining for a few days. And because of number of songs we planned to sing, we went last.

By the time we got up, the patrons were mostly drunk. A few were actually passed out. And we received scattered applause--mostly from our friends at the table and a few patrons still aware enough that we were the last performers in the competition. A few really good solo acts looked confident they had won the top prize--$200. But we were about to knock them out with our performance.

We started with a classic:

Milli Vanilli's Blame it on the Rain.

Yes, they were lip syncing and they had to return their Grammy. But so what? They had everyone convinced they were actually singing! Forget the Grammy! Give them an Oscar!

These days, lip syncing is an art form and decides winners! Just ask RuPaul's Drag Race!

We deliberately chose this song as our opener, to appeal to the majority of crowd who grew up with this song. Plus, it's a fun song that got everyone's attention. And we elevated our performance by showing off our dance moves. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we had a routine down.

We didn't come to play, we came to win! And the applause and whistles began to get loud and thunderous. The crowd loved it!

And to show them we weren't just singing for fun, we slowed it down and expressed our artistic and passionate side. We belted out the extraordinary and evocative
Purple Rain by Prince

That got the crowd to sing with us. We had people raising and swinging their hands side to side. We knew we had them hooked now as we emoted and played up our gestures and voices on that stage. Tease them, enchant them, entertain them, then leave them wanting more. And Purple Rain was magical!

Now that we had gotten everyone's attention, we launched into our next song, designed to tug at the audiences' emotions and nostalgia, to pull at their heartstrings and get the support of the female audience menbers, an iconic song:

Aretha Franklin's (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman

That got the audience all into our performance. We had them signing with us. Everyone knows this song! And as we launched into the second verse, that drunk skank who butchered Nothing Compares 2 U had the nerve to try to get up on the stage and take lead!

I was like, 'Aw Hell No! Back off bitch! You've had your chance! You ain't gonna Kanye West me today! You better check yourself before you wreck yourself!'

BB and I really had to really gesticulate and go big to outshine that stage crasher. James Brown would've been proud of our moves! And thankfully, our host led that drunk away from the stage, back to her table. BB and I had mesmerized everyone with our harmonies and action. We had them singing along and cheering our performance.

Then it was time to make things fun with Rupert Holmes' Escape, better known as The Piña Colada song:

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you´re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I´m the love that you´ve looked for, write to me, and escape"

That got everyone excited and singing along loudly. Drunks love Piña Coladas! And singing about getting caught in the rain. Mostly because they pass out and the rain washes away evidence of them throwing up or soiling themselves. Happens a lot on St Patrick's Day, Spring Break, Mardi Gras, and New Year's Eve.

Now we had reached the climax of our performance. It was time to reach out to the queer members of the audience and have fun with the sensational, frivolous, and festive classic: It's Raining Men by The Weather Girls.

We had people clapping and dancing as we sang and danced on the stage. I loved that they sang out loud with us. Everyone was having a good time, and we loved that even the staff joined the crowd in singing and dancing. They were eating it up. All those days of practice were worth it, especially to see the genuine gobsmacked expressions on some people's faces, including a few friends who had no idea what we could do.

Now that we had the entire crowd singing, it was time to end with the finale: Africa by Toto, the best rain song ever!

Everyone in the bar loved it. They sang along with us. And by the time we were done, we knew we had won. The prize was a $200, and we qualified for the year end finale, with the top prize being $2000.

Even better, BB and I got free drinks, four a piece, from our admirers. Two pairs were from women's tables, the other two were from men's tables. Fans. Free drinks are always welcomed! We had a few catty remarks from our female friends at the table, but they were just jealous we didn't have to thrust out our boobs to get our free drinks.

As it was BB's birthday, I let him keep the prize money as a gift. We stayed and enjoyed a few more karaoke performances and drinks til the bar closed. It was raining as we headed over to a friend's place, where I had stashed the birthday cake I made, and we partied the night away with more food, more drinks, and used my friend's karaoke machine.

Thank goodness my friend's house was a good distance from neighbors, because I'm sure we sounded terrible as we drunkenly sang out hits from the Spice Girls, Pussycat Dolls, Backstreet Boys, Tupac, Eminem, Missy Elliot, Ludacris, Mary J Blige, and I'm remembering some Justin Bieber. I blame the tequila and the rain.