Sheep Jokes

This post is inspired by John, who is rounding up the crafty and feisty Irene, the sheep, to take her to her new, wonderful home. So far, Irene has outsmarted the squad of people sent to corral her. Good luck catching Irene!

Some of these jokes are hilariously baaad!!!

Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a sheep sitting next to him.
"Are you a sheep?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The sheep replied, "Well, I liked the book."

Collie Report
At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"
"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.
"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."

Accountant
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

Hello, Dolly
Q: What did one cloned sheep say to the other?
A: "I am ewe."

Polite Sheep
Q: What did the well mannered sheep say to his friend at the field gate?
A: After ewe!

Sheep Farming
Q: What's the most frustrating part about being a sheep farmer?
A: Every time you try to take inventory, you fall asleep.

The Consultant
A shepherd was tending his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a dust cloud approached at high speed, out of which emerged a shiny silver BMW. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Ferragamo shoes, the latest Polarized sunglasses and a tightly knotted power tie, poked his head out the window and asked the shepherd, "Hey! If I can tell you how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, then glanced at his peacefully grazing flock and answered, "Sure."

The driver parked his car, pulled out his smart phone and briskly surfed to a GPS satellite navigation system on the Internet and initiated a remote body-heat scan of the area. While the app was running, he sent some e-mails, returned some texts messages, facetimed some people, and after a few minutes, nodded solemnly at the responses. Finally, he hears the app finished its task, turned to the shepherd, showing the smart phone screen, and pronounced, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep."

"Impressive. One of my sheep is yours." said the shepherd. He watched the young man select an animal and bundle it into his car. Then the shepherd said: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?" Pleased to meet a fellow sportsman, the young man replied "You're on."

"You are a consultant." said the shepherd without hesitation. "That's correct," said the young man, impressed. "How ever did you guess?" "It was not a guess," replied the shepherd. "You drive into my field uninvited. You ask me to pay you for information I already know, answer questions I have not asked, and you know nothing about my business. Now give me back my dog."

Show time
A sheep breeder was driving prized sheep to display at the local rodeo. Alas, her truck broke down just a few miles from the fairgrounds. Luckily, she spots an empty cattle truck coming up the road behind her. She flags it down, the truck driver stops, and the breeder tells the trucker, "I'll give you $100 to take the sheep to the show."

The trucker agrees, loads up the sheep, and heads for the show. The breeder sits and waits a long time for the auto repair service truck to show up. Three hours later, she is surprised to see the truck driver coming back, with all her sheep still loaded up in the truck!

She exclaimed, "But I gave you a $100 to take the sheep to the show!"

The trucker replied, "Oh, but the tickets only cost $50. So now I'll take them to a movie."

Ventriloquist and Rancher
A ventriloquist passes by a ranch and decides to have some fun. He strikes up a conversation with the rancher sitting by the gate. The ventriloquist asks the rancher, "Mind if I talk to your dog over there?"
"Damn fool, don't you know dogs can't talk?", the rancher says.
The ventriloquist replies, "So what's the harm?"
The rancher shrugs, "Go right ahead."
The ventriloquist ambles up to the dog and says, "Howdy!" The dog replies, "Hello."
The rancher's eyes pop wide open. The ventriloquist continues, "Does your master here treat you alright?" "Sure does. He feeds me, lets me sleep inside, and every day he takes me to the lake," says the dog.
The ventriloquist asks the shocked rancher, "Mind if I talk to your horse over there?"
The rancher replies, "Now, I don't know what you're up to, but I know for a fact that horses can't talk."
"Well then, what's the harm?", asks the ventriloquist.
"Go right ahead," says the rancher. The ventriloquist says to the horse, "Hello." The horse replies, "Hello."
The rancher's jaw drops. The ventriloquist asks, "Your owner here treat you OK?"
"Sure," replies the horse, tossing his mane. "He rides me every day, brushes me down, feeds me good, and he keeps me in the barn out of the bad weather."
The ventriloquist looks satisfied and turns to the rancher, "Are those your sheep over there?"
The rancher looks alarmed and stammers, "Listen...them sheep out there, they're -- they're nothing but a bunch of liars!"

Welsh name
A sheep farmer and his wife were driving around Wales, looking for good collie pups to bring back to England to raise, train, and sell. At one point, they entered a small town with a typically Welsh name, with lots of consonants and very few vowels. They began to argue over how it should be pronounced, but couldn’t agree.

After a few minutes, they stopped for coffee and something to eat. As the waitress brought their orders to the table, the sheep farmer said to her, “My wife and I can’t agree over how to pronounce the name of this place. Could you please tell us how it should be pronounced?”

The waitress put her tray down and said very slowly, “M … c … D … o … n … a … l … d … s …”

Front Seat
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a sheep in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that sheep?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to a farm!"
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the sheep again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that sheep to a farm!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time! Today, we're are going to the beach!"


I hope ewe had a good laugh! Cheers!