I was half listening to a conversation some coworkers were having. Suddenly they asked me, "If you could go back to any time period, where would you go to, and why?"
I answered, "I would go back to when Jesus was alive. "
Blank stares. Silence. Discombobulation. Then one of them braved, "What? What? What!?"
So I said, "Why not? I would love to hang out with Jesus! He likes to walk in the wilderness, and I enjoy the outdoors. We could go kayaking. And if the kayak tipped over, Jesus can just walk on the water and flip the boat back over.
Plus, he's always having parties! And if we need wine, I'd be like, 'Jesus! We need wine! Here's some water,' and he'd turn that water to wine. If we need food, I'd say, 'Jesus, we need food!', and I'd give him a fish and some bread, then Bam! Jesus turns it into fish tacos for everyone!
Chicks were drawn to Jesus. And if one of Mary Magdalene's friends gave me a social disease, I'd say, 'Jesus, it burns when I pee', Jesus would heal me! Hangovers? Healed! Food poisoning? Healed! Fell off the roof and broke some bones? Healed! Died in a horse and carriage accident? Raised from the dead!
And I would be a true friend to Jesus. I won't punk out when the Romans come to arrest Jesus. I'd be like, 'Hell, no, mofos! You want Jesus? You're going to have to go through me!' And I'd start kicking ass! And if I died in the fighting, I'm gonna make sure Jesus keeps raising me up from the dead to fight til all those Romans are gone.
Then I'd smack around that bitch traitor, Judas, have him set up a meeting with Joseph Caiaphas, the high priest who put the hit out on Jesus. Then I'd go Vlad Tepes on Caiaphas and all those Pharisees and Sadducees who plotted to kill Jesus and impale them all on a hill! The hill they planned to crucify Jesus!
The New Testament would've been very different if I had been there!"
And the conversation ended with me walking away and my coworkers laughing.
HILARIOUS!!! That story in some places around here would get you bitch slapped by the numerous church ladies in this town! ;) xoxox
ReplyDeleteSavannah, There's a place or two around here where I'd also get smacked for telling such a tale! Thankfully, most people would just chuckle.
DeleteJC action hero with trusty sidekick Eros battling evil in the world! Amen!
ReplyDeleteLX, I'd love to be Super Jesus' sidekick, the Awesome Apostle!
DeleteI think you have made your time travel plans with sound logic!!! Good call!!
ReplyDeleteSxx
Scarlet, Thanks! A little preparation and research and adaptability goes a long way into making any (time) travel plans a wonderful experience!
DeleteBut before you left, did you change their water into wine?
ReplyDeleteMaddie, Now there's a superpower I'd like to have! Perfect for when you want company or solitude, you're bound to have a good time!
DeleteHe's NOT the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!"
ReplyDeleteJx
Jon, I'm betting Jesus was a lot of fun...notice they never say what he did from his late teens and twenties...the party years!!!
Delete"Mir geht' es wia dem Jesus, mir duht mei Kreiz so weh ..."
ReplyDeleteWolfgang Ambros
Mago, I think everyone would love to have a friend like Jesus!
DeleteWell I'm all for it. If the dude can do the water into wine trick maybe he can make my reader work. I'll be HOURS catching up on what I've missed...
ReplyDeleteBut...you do realise that if J. came back today, in Israel, they'd buz-cut his hair, put him in combat boots and send him to the front line.Still, he might do a decent job of that mess, too.
Dinahmow, The Middle East could certainly benefit from having Jesus come down and setting things right...or at least start the peace process with a delicious supper and fine wine!
Delete