We forgive your tendency to take American holidays & claim them as your own, by celebrating them a few days earlier than we do--Independence Day, Thanksgiving, Victoria Day/Memorial Day...
And having come to a friendly understanding after that 1812 kerfuffle--where we might have possibly gotten our asses kicked not once, not twice, but three times in massive failed attempts to invade & conquer...but who's counting? The important thing is, we came to a friendly understanding & know where we stand, becoming good friends. Sure, we burned your capital, & you burned ours. But we both came out strong...you with your new sense of Canadian identity & we got ourselves a song: Oh, say can you see?... Really, we both came out better.
The only losers & terrible losses were those poor people & innocent victims who died in the violent struggle & those Native Americans, who, once again, were lied to, betrayed, abandoned, then slaughtered by the white man who made false promises of Native independence & honoring Native treaties & land rights. Should've let those immigrant Pilgrims starve to death...instead of feeding them & helping them survive (& thrive!) in the New World.
Anyway, I blame those Old World imperialist bastards for dragging us into their mess. Our hemisphere was just caught in a pissing match between those Limey bastards & those snail munching Frogs. Honestly, those Old
Luckily, vibrant, young, & independent countries like us have learned from the messes & mistakes of the Old World. And though you've occasionally farted in our direction with a Celine Dion here & a Justin Bieber there, overall, we are glad to have you as a neighbor & friend. We couldn't ask for a better ally & amazing friend.
And while we recognize & are most impressed with so many of your awesome Canadian inventions--like ice hockey, basketball, snowmobiles, sonar, am radio, insulin, walkie-talkies, bacon, maple syrup, poutine, & Canada Dry Ginger Ale--we most admire you for your tenacity & fierce determination to claim Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, as one of your own, even though he was born & raised in Scotland. That kind of stubbornness & fierce pride can only be found on this continent, & it's that hardheaded, die hard, independent spirit that makes this hemisphere so great!
You may seem polite & clean cut with your courteous ways & kind actions, but your full nudity strip clubs & your aggressive, violent tendencies at hockey games makes you hell of a fun nation full of awesome surprises. Happy Birthday, you amazing country, eh!
And a big "thank you/merci" for starting the Canadian Football season in June to hold us over until our football season begins!
ReplyDeleteLX, Hear! Hear! Those Canadians are always ahead of the curve. Even the first Europeans--those Vikings--landed in Canada hundreds of years before Columbus & the Spaniards made it to the Caribbean & Florida!
Delete:: monocle falls from eye in shock ::
ReplyDeleteI beg your pardon?! "Old World imperialist bastards"? Release the hounds! Off with his head! etc. etc...
::reaches for blunderbuss ::
::Removes valuable paintings for safe keeping in case the arsonist Brits set fire to the buildings, again::
Delete::Holes up in fort to await bombardment. Standing by to write a second national anthem to the tune of Chumbawamba's Tubthumping "I get knocked down but I get up again!"::
Yeah.... watch it, Swings, or we'll send over Piers Morgan again.... and throw in Nigel Farage for good measure.
ReplyDeleteSx
Scarlet, Be sure to put them on a frigate crossing the Atlantic.
Delete::Dusts off the rigging & sails on Old Ironsides, impresses the tourists on board into naval service, & sets sail to sink the frigate carrying Piers Morgan & Nigel Farage. Alerts the Discovery Channel crew to film the encounter as a fitting & glorious end to Shark Week::
In 1959, Country singer Johnny Horton released a novelty song about the Battle of New Orleans. The battle actually took place after the War of 1812 had ended but both sides had not yet received the news. Here.
ReplyDeleteSkiffle singer Lonnie Donegan also released a version with a couple of minor edits. Here.
LX, I particularly like Donegan's more spirited, fun version compared to Horton's more humble, courteous version. Thanks for sharing these!
DeleteI recently watched a PBS Special on the War of 1812 when I couldn't sleep at 3 am. I was surprised & pleased to learn many new things:
1. Canadians can kick ass.
2. Awesome naval battles: Old Ironsides (USS Constitution), Oliver Hazard Perry winning the Battle of Lake Erie over the Brits, Thomas Macdonough kicking ass in the Battle of Lake Champlain.
3. Amazing people: Dolly Madison, Laura Secord, Isaac Brock, Tecumseh, & so many other people whose lives were deeply affected by the war.
4. It sucks to be a Native American, even when the people fighting each other are the white man, somehow, when it's all over & done, it's the Natives who always lose in these white man wars!
I think Bell was Franconian. As all great inventors. We may have sent some over the ocean, usually the "black sheep" ...
ReplyDeleteHappy 4th of July !
Mago, Americans also consider Bell as one our own, along with Einstein & Stephen Hawking--who is entirely British the last time I checked...yup, still British.
DeleteThank you for the well wishes! And thank you German immigrants for bringing us hot dogs (wieners), hamburgers, sausages (bratwurst), mustard, beer (Coors Light), potato salad, sauerkraut, & BBQ (Texas Hill Country style of low & slow smoked). All of which will be consumed today to celebrate American Independence.